A Different Perspective on “What Not To Say” – 6 Things You CAN Say to Me


Different perspective on "What not to say"

I’ve seen what seems like a hundred articles that are titled something like “10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Mom of (fill in the blank here).”  And I might be the only one, but when I read these one thing pops into my mind.  WE WEAR OUR FEELINGS ON OUR SHOULDERS.   I miss the days when people can just have a normal conversation.  Miss the days when it is actually ok to care, or be curious, or just try to talk about something that holds more meaning than just the weather.  A lot of times those statements or questions aren’t said in an effort to be mean.  And guess what- it’s ok for us to disagree with whoever it is that says these things to us.  They might REALLY not know the answer.  Or they might not have ever experienced it for themselves, so they don’t know the truth.  For some reason, it seems that people as a whole either can get their feelings hurt way too easily, or we really are past the days of being real and talking.  I decided that as a mom of boys, twins, 4 kids, an ex-coaches wife, an oilfield wife, among other labels that make me who I am, that I will be making my own lists.  Lists of things that are TOTALLY OK to say to me.  I am proud of my labels, and if you are curious about something that makes me who I am, I am more than willing to tell you all about it.  I am not ashamed of my labels, and there are pros and cons to all of them.


Here is my first list.

6 Things I Don’t Mind You Saying To Me As a Mom of All Boys


Will you try for a girl? (seriously, how is this question so offensive? It’s called curiosity.  I’m guilty of it myself.)

No, but I would totally take one.  It does make me sad knowing that I will never have a girl.  Doesn’t mean I love my boys less than a girl, but I think it would be awesome to have a mini-me.  It is pretty fun to watch 4 mini-Ryan’s though.

Were you trying for a girl?

Honestly, yes.  I just never told Ryan.  And it is not rude of you to ask!  When I see parents with several girls, I’m curious if they were trying for a boy.

Boys are easier.

I’ve heard this one countless times, and while it used to make me mad like all the moms who are writing the “what not to say” blogs, I am totally over it.  If someone thinks boys are easier, then I believe one of 2 things.  1- They have NEVER had more than one boy.  Or 2- They’ve had boys and girls, and their boys were truly easier.  Either way, they are totally entitled to their opinion.  Honestly, I think KIDS in general are not-so-easy.  Boys and girls alike  can be hard or easy.

You’re lucky, you get to skip the emotional teenage years. 

This may be semi-true, and it doesn’t drive me crazy to hear this.  However, I don’t get to skip the teenage years.  Instead of the emotional years, I get to enjoy the “stupid teenage years,” or the “I’m trying to prove myself teenage years.”  Of course, as a parent, I’m hoping I get to experience the “I’m abnormally good teenage years,” but we will see ha!  That being said, I worked in a junior high for a few years and saw far more boys cry than girls.

I bet you’re the Queen of your house. 

Not really, but I’m working towards it.  I personally think this one has more to do with having a husband than with having boys.  I actually love hearing this comment, it gives me hope haha.

Boys are cheaper.

Totally agree with this one.  Until we hit the teenage years.  Those costly years when they start eating meals the size of cows, and we get to cover car insurance for 4 boys.  Not to mention the doctor bills that will more than likely head our way if and when our boys start playing sports.  It seems that boys are injured more often than girls.


Be proud of your labels.  They are part of what makes you who you are.  And the next time someone asks you about one of them, don’t get your feelings hurt, or super defensive.  Know that everyone might have a different opinion or experience and quit taking things so personally!

So if you see me and my kids out in public, then feel free to use them as conversation starters for those awkward moments.  I’m a friendly person, and I promise I can handle whatever you have to say.


Next-  What’s ok to say to a mom of twins.

6 thoughts on “A Different Perspective on “What Not To Say” – 6 Things You CAN Say to Me

  1. Three Ring Mom says:

    Thank you for writing this!!! It is SO true about people being overly sensitive (myself included at times

  2. Three Ring Mom says:

    Thank you for writing this!!! It is SO true about people being overly sensitive (myself included at times

    • Ashley says:

      It’s very easy to be sensitive (and there’s nothing wrong with that). I am sensitive about things too. It is just great to keep a positive attitude- makes life a little less stressful and frustrating 🙂 we get to choose how to react to what people say to us.

  3. Marta Mart says:

    Great post! We become very lonely as deeper relationships with people should be build on something more than weather. I completely agree with too polite way of talking to me – its just wasting my time!

  4. Mandi says:

    Thank you so much! You posted exactly how I feel. Most articles or even comments in Mom Groups start out with … “I am so offended …” Really? Just because of a question? Your article is such a breath of fresh air and I can’t wait to read more!

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