5 Things I Didn’t Know About Miscarriages Until I Had One

ultrasound pics

We have had 4 “first” ultrasounds. Three of which ended with the nurse calling the doctor in to meet with us. I have never really talked about the third one. To anyone. It was probably the most painful, hopeless, and helpless ultrasound I’ve had. This has been our “first” ultrasound experience:

1st ultrasound- Doctor was called in to tell us that baby had a birth defect.

2nd ultrasound- Doctor was called in to tell us that we were having identical twins

3rd ultrasound- Doctor was called in to confirm that the baby had died, and I would miscarry once my body recognized it

4th ultrasound- No Doctor!

 

On this day, the day after Christmas, two years ago, I had a miscarriage. It came after almost two long emotional weeks of hoping for it to not happen, but knowing it would. I didn’t have much Christmas spirit that year. I know not many people know I had one, but here are 5 things I never knew about miscarriages until I had one:

 

It really is a loss.

Like, it really does hurt. This was probably the biggest shocker. It’s not just a small little loss that you will just “get over.” I always just thought “aww that stinks” when I would hear people talk about having a miscarriage. I mean, I knew it was really sad, but my ignorant, little brain couldn’t understand why someone would be so upset for losing a baby that they had never known. Until now, I never understood.

I get it now. It hurts, and you can’t describe it. You will never meet that baby. Never be able to tell the baby how much you love him or her. Hold the sweet fingers, stroke soft hair, kiss the little cheeks. Never rock or sing your baby to sleep. I think what was hardest for me was just hoping that my baby knew how much love I had for him or her, but knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do to tell or show my love.

A first trimester miscarriage is not always “like a period.”

For some reason, I have no clue why, I just assumed that having a first trimester miscarriage would be like starting my period. Just a little blood, and everything would be done with. It was not like that at all. I felt like I was in labor. I had contractions for 20 hours over a 3 day period. Not just little contractions, but full blown, painful, every 2-5 minutes, can’t breathe contractions.

The first night was the worst. Lots of blood, and the on call nurse was about ready to send us into the ER. I was starting to get cold and dizzy. I am very thankful that Ryan was right there with me. Helping me change clothes or bedding all night long. He didn’t hesitate or complain at all and stayed up with me all night long, even though he had to leave at 8am for a basketball tournament.   His support was huge.

Having more kids doesn’t take the pain away.

After my miscarriage, I had this feeling that having another baby would take the pain away. This isn’t true. Having another baby is distraction, but not a pain reliever (and no, this isn’t why we conceived Beau- he was a nice little surprise).

You will think of that baby daily.

This Christmas season marks 2 years since my miscarriage, and there still hasn’t been a day go by that I don’t think of my baby. I wonder what that baby would be like today. Would it have blonde or brown hair, would it have blue eyes like its brothers? Would it be calm, shy, and quiet, or loud and outgoing? Is that baby “my girl”? What name would we have given it? So many questions left unanswered. While I feel like I am out of the frequent crying outbursts part of my grieving, I still wonder. I know I will always wonder.

Finding support is important.

This one might be the most important. I absolutely hate to feel needy or talk to people about my issues. This one took me being broken.   I know that I could have done a better job of seeking out support or someone to talk to, and I would really encourage anyone who experiences a miscarriage to find someone to talk to. You are not alone.

I didn’t tell many people. We told our family, I told very few of my close friends, and I also told a few people who I worked with at the bank. One of these ladies gave me the name of another girl I knew who had been through 2 miscarriages.

I’m sure that she doesn’t realize just how comforting it was to be able to talk to her, and know that she knew exactly what I was feeling. I texted her several times, and she was very honest with me on what to expect, how I would probably feel, after effects, and trying to emotionally heal. She texted me a lot of bible verses that helped her get through it. She also recommended reading Heaven is for Real, which I totally recommend reading, too. Reading that book just made me cry. And crying was what I needed. I needed to grieve, to acknowledge the loss, and spend some time to myself.

 

Making myself believe that I didn’t do something to cause a miscarriage has been hard. But I know its true. That was my most healthy pregnancy. I didn’t take any medicine, I followed a great diet, and tried to make sure I was exercising. The miscarriage still happened.

Helpful Verses

Here are a couple of the bible verses my friend gave me. If you are going through this, then I encourage you to read these and I pray that somehow your heart can find a little peace.  Feel free to add your own verses in the comments!

Colossians 3:15   “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…”

Proverbs 3:5  “Trust in the LORD with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

“Once you are real, you can’t become unreal, it lasts for always.” Velveteen Rabbit

If you like this, then you may also like: Struggling with the guilt I didnt know would come with a miscarriage

Dear NICU Nurse I Love That You

EDITING TO ADD: Thank you all so much for your comments and sharing your stories.  While it makes me hurt with you to see your experiences, I really appreciate it.  I know that each story shared can relate to and bless someone else.  Thank you!

God Bless you all!

Find my Children’s Bible reading and journal schedule here!

 

 

 

Love, AshleyI would love for you to join me on Facebook! 

317 thoughts on “5 Things I Didn’t Know About Miscarriages Until I Had One

  1. Laura N says:

    I enjoyed reading this and know exactly how you feel. It is all true, I had several miscarriages and these are the same feelings I had.

    • Mel says:

      i just wanted to say thank u for ur post. A lot of people really don’t know what happens and then the people that do know, don’t know how to talk about it without thinking she is wining about her lose. I had a miscarriage 2 years ago and my due date is what I remember the most. I would have a 1 year old. I don’t even know what to think when I say that. I have not been able to get pregnant again since. It is sad because all I want is a baby full term and healthy! I know it wasn’t my fault but it is still all I think of. Everyday and every minute.

      • Rhonda says:

        Mel, my heart breaks for you as I can really relate to your story – well all stories really but yours mostly. I too like many others had a miscarriage and not a day goes by that I don’t wonder who that baby would have been and how much I so desire to hold that baby and kiss him or her. My body never ended up miscarrying and I ended up having to have a D&C. I held out hope all the way to the operating room that the doctor might find a heartbeat but no such luck. Everyone kept telling me “oh you will get pregnant again in no time now”. We had been trying for two years to get pregnant with this sweet baby and after the miscarriage it was four years (almost five) that we were able to conceive again. This time God decided we could meet this precious baby, but still while sitting here feeding him I wonder what his older sibling would think of him and how all these firsts we are having with him should have a already happened.
        We will never know why we aren’t allowed to hold some babies but we what a blessing it was to at least conceive such a precious gift and give that baby a home no matter how short or long of a time. Don’t lose hope Mel – I completely understand that want and desire to hold a healthy full term baby in your arms. My prayers are with you and your desires.

      • Heather says:

        Mel I completely understand. I was married for 10 years and couldn’t conceive. I got a divorce and a year later, got pregnant by my now husband. We were probably about 6 weeks along when I miscarried. Three years later and I still have yet to be able to conceive. I understand the pain you are feeling and all of the questions of why. I know it sucks but keep having faith. God will give you the desires of your heart. I went to a womens weekend last year and it was foretold by several women that I would have my own babies. Some days are harder than others to believe that but I just keep holding on. Don’t lose faith.

      • Ashley M says:

        Mel, just really wanting to encourage you now. I completely understand that desperation of wanting a baby so bad. The first time I got pregnant was within a month of getting married. I miscarried that baby and was devastated but was still hopeful since it was so easy to get pregnant before. My husband and I tried for 4 yrs to get pregnant after that… It has now been 12 yrs since my first miscarriage (I had another 4 yrs ago), but I now have a 7 yr old, 3 yr old, and 1 yr old… As hard as a mc is, I can’t help but think that I wouldn’t have the babies that I have now had I not. Not that I would want to EVER have to sacrifice one baby for another, but I also couldn’t trade my babies now either. So even in the hard times and in the wait, all things work together for the good of those that love The Lord. Sorry so long!

      • Justine says:

        I’m right there with you! I found out I was pregnant that morning of our 1st wedding anniversary…and I miscarried 2 weeks later. My due date was Dec. 2nd, 2013…which means I should’ve just celebrated a first birthday for our sweet baby last month.

    • LaTrisha says:

      I will never say I know how you feel because I don’t..but I do know how it feels to have that loss! May well be 9 years since I lost my baby girls twin sister.. They were are rare pregnancy.. Desiree was in her own sack inside Destinys sack. I never aborted the baby like normal miscarriages since she was in that other sack. So I carried and delivered a healthy baby girl “Destiny” .. the doctor showed my husband Desiree and he said all her nerve endings were still visible. My older brother and his wife had twins 2 years ago and it was heart breaking to see them and think about my baby and to see them interact with each other always makes me wonder how my girls would be together and how she would of been! 🙁

      • Jane says:

        How did you tell your daughter she was a twin? I had this same experience with my son. In his heart, he knows he was a twin. He has said several times that he wishes he was a twin and he’s only 7. I’m just not sure when or how to tell him that he actually is a twin.

        • Maria says:

          I was a twin and my parents my parents always spoke about her to me… she was never a taboo since i have memory I have known that i had a twin sister…. just asled him if he would like to know about his birth and explian to him how special he is and that he is a mitacle and a blessing and explain what happenes to his brother…that you are so greatful and lucky thatbhe was brave strong and a fighter and made it.

    • paula says:

      I’m very sorry for ur losses and for everyone that has loss a baby.
      I had 2 babies. Pregnancy went fine for both. On my 3rd pregnancy when I was 18 weeks went for the ultra sound. Was told there was no heart beat. I couldnt believe it. I felt bad that my poor kids where in the ultra sound room with me and had to hear and see me react to the news. I always thought that once u pasted 12 weeks u where in the clear. I could not help to think i did somthing wrong. If it wasnt bad enough that i lost my baby They then send me to a abortion clinic in order to have the baby removed. I was a mess. I was so upset of everyone that was in there willingly going to abort a baby that was still alive, I wanted to scream. I had the lady that worked there ask me ” is anyone making u do this?” Overiously she didn’t no my case. I turned to her a said the baby is passed away in me and i had to choice. I asked her where my babies remains would be going. Because I had to no. A week after I had the procedure done. I found out I had 3 small blood cloths in my lungs. Had to start taking lovenox shouts and then warfrain pills, monitor my vitamin k… I went from crying that I lost my baby to omg what if I was still pregnant and had the blood cloths in my lungs. I would have thought my breathing was bad because of the pregnancy and could had dyed myself, leaving my kids with out a mom.. my baby saved my life… that year was the worse year of my life. I will never forget my little baby boy, everytime I hear the name ” Panayioti my heart sinks. I was told that if I wherever to have more kids i would néed to take blood thinners. ( because pregnancy causes blood cloths for me).

      God has blessed me with 2 beautiful healthy kids and i cant help but to be greatful.
      I truelly believe there is a reason for everything.
      I have grown so much spiritually since that had happened.

      Thank u for posting Ur story
      May God continue to bless u and Ur family

    • donna mc says:

      I understand 110 % how u feel. I had a miscarriage in ApriI 2013. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him /her..Wat they look like how they would be etc. Some days are better than others but you never stop thinking about them. I would love to read the book heaven is for real If you could let me know what the author is please xx

    • Jennifer says:

      I’ve had a few miscarriages. I always think about them. I always think about my first miscarriage and how the baby looked. The other ones, I forced myself not to look at them because of how painful it was, but I just imagine them all looking like the first one.

      I was 14 weeks. I lost so much blood that I felt like I had to have miscarried the baby, and I felt lost and broken. I was laying on my side on my bed and was crying when I felt the baby disconnect and fall and hit my side. I never knew that could happen.

      The feeling of loss and brokenness probably quadrupled, because I felt like the baby had been fighting to live and I gave up before the baby even did. My mind was in a weird state. I felt like I hated everyone except for my baby. Nothing else mattered except my baby. I wanted to tell him/her how much love I had for them. I’ve never been a depressed person, and I would never admit this to anyone I know, but I wanted to find a way to be with my baby, so that I could stop feeling the pain I felt. I just kept telling the baby I was so sorry. I shouldn’t have given up and that the baby was so strong. I will never be able to get over it, but I can’t talk to anyone about it, because they will think I’m just being a baby and I should bet over it by now. No-one could ever understand it without it happening to them.

      I’m a strong person, and I will try to get passed them. Anyone who has just experienced a mc, please know it gets better, even though you feel like it’s not possible. You are stronger than you know.

    • Lynzie Robinson says:

      Thank you for writing this. I just found out at 11 weeks that my baby had passed. I have so many emotions going on and reading this truly has helped.

    • Esmeralda says:

      I had a miscarriage a week ago at 16weeks 6 days.. I was induced because I asked to so I could at least get to hold my baby, he was perfect.. took pictures of him, told him how much I loved him, how excited we were to have a boy, my prince.. i have 2 girls which I love with all my heart.. this has been the worst week of my life..ignorant never thought that this could happen to me.. I really want my rainbow baby..

  2. Kayla says:

    Thanks for this, so exactly describes what I went through. It has been 12 years since my miscarriage, but I still think of my sweet baby.

  3. Kelly says:

    I had two miscarriages in a row. It’s been about 14 years now, and I still think of those losses often. One thing that helped me was a song by Watermark called “Glory Baby.” It says what you can’t find the words to express because of your own grief. Prayers and blessings!

    • Nikkita says:

      Thank you so much it will be a year in January 28 and I was trying to think of a song to play that day and with your help I found it

    • Elizabeth Seibel says:

      We named our first baby (lost due to ectopic pregnancy) Glory because of that song. It was an amazing comfort hearing that song.

  4. Ashley says:

    Laura thank you for your comment. It seems that so many people experience this loss. I never realized how common it was until I really started paying attention.

    • Brittany says:

      I had a similar experience. I was 6 months along and found out in my ultrasound appointment that my baby girl had passed away. I was too far along to do a D&C, so I had to be induced and go to the hospital to deliver her. It was so painful and I was not prepared for the symptoms afterwards. Immediately after delivering I was lactating which was just a constant reminder that my baby had passed away. I cried a lot and felt like I did something wrong since less than a week prior we had heard the heartbeat and she was fine. I still think about her to this day, but time has helped heal the hurt. She would have been 6 this December.

      • Carol says:

        I totally understand. 28 years ago I loss my first baby. I was 6 months with her. I went into labor. Not even thinking I was because it was too early. I got to see her but my biggest regret was not holding her and telling her how much I love her. I was just talking about her last night and it still brings tears to my eyes. Only a memory. Nothing else. How I wish I had a picture or something to hold onto. My only comfort is knowing some day I will be with her forever and we will never be apart again.

      • Bella says:

        I too had a baby die and I had to wait for labor to begin to miscarry. At 14 weeks my baby girl died. I miscarried at 6 1/2 months. Bedridden for weeks due to spotting and then switching dr’s. Depression had already set in by the time I got the ultrasound report. I never expected it to affect me so deeply. It’s been 34 1/2 years and the sorrow is not as profound as it was but I still remember and I still am sad on that calendar day. What I feel I learned from this is that I underestimated how deeply a miscarriage affects a woman before I was THAT woman. I learned that people are extremely caring. The nurse who cared for me, I can’t remember her exact words, but her caring attitude sticks with me. I also learned that friends and family may not know the exact words I need to hear, but they tried and they cared and they were tender with me and my feelings. I have a small china doll that is about the size of my little girl when she died. She sits on my shelf, still after all these years reminding me that life is full of pain and sorrow and love and caring.

      • Jessi says:

        I too lost our sweet Abigail at 6 months. Being induced was difficult. I was like you hoping they would tell me they found a heartbeat but not what I heard at all. Love that baby girl. June 2015 will mark 3 years since I lost her. She was my third pregnancy and it took us time before we decided to try one more time. O u r kids are now 9, 6, and 1. We thank God every day for the blessing he gave us after losing Abigail but some days are just hard. Always will be but having people to talk to is so important. Our family is complete and we think of her as our special guardian angel watching over us and keeping us safe unto we meet her again.

        • Julie J. says:

          I can really relate. My 3rd pregnancy also ended in miscarriage, but in first trimester, at 8 wks. We found out the baby had already died at my first dr.’s appointment, so we never even got to hear the heartbeat or anything. It was heartbreaking. But then we were blessed with another prefect, health baby boy 2 years later. Our boys are now almost 9, 5, and 1. I feel the same, that we now have our little guardian angel watching over us. I always wonder if that was our little girl (already had her name picked out), or another brother for our boys.

  5. Christi says:

    I also had a miscarriage the day after Christmas 3 years ago. On Christmas day, I was baptized, still pregnant, but bleeding and in pain. I prayed and prayed constantly but God has His reasons for things. It was hard just as you mentioned and it took me a while to accept it. I also had a miscarriage 18 years ago while pregnant with my son….. I know that sounds strange, but I had twins, and my son survived. He is my angle!!!!! God bless all women who go through this, He is with you.

    • Ashley says:

      Oh I’m so thankful that your son survived. A miscarriage is tough and hard to understand. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you too!

    • Melissa says:

      Christie, I’ve had two miscarriages, both at 13 weeks, and both were twins, and I lost one twin but not the other! I didn’t get to grieve the first loss – everyone around me acted like nothing happened! When it happened again, I grieved heavily – for both lost twins. 🙁

      • Shelly K says:

        Christi & Melissa,

        I was told by my family practitioner that I had a partial miscarriage with my daughter, that she should have been a twin since I had a horrible “period” when in reality I was already 5 weeks pregnant. My OB shrugged the idea off. Said that I was mistaken until I explained that I was beyond certain of my date of conception, how and why. Then she just skirted around it. Another Dr in the practice told me “it was possible but unlikely” she also refused to talk to me about it. Both my husband and I still wonder. We are truely blessed to have our little girl but somedays I feel like something is missing. I really wish as uncomfortable as it may have been that those drs would’ve discussed it with me for the purpose of understanding.
        Bless you both and all the mommies.

    • Stephy says:

      My mother in law was also pregnant with twins and miscarried. One of them survived… and my husband is that one! 🙂

  6. Aimee says:

    Thank you for sharing this ! I was in tears reading your story because it is almost the exact situation in my life . I have 3 boys & miscarried my baby girl . She would’ve been my second child & probably my last if not for my miscarriage . I consider myself blessed to have been able to have my sons & now I have a beautiful niece that helps me not feel like I missed out on having a daughter . Good luck to you & thanks again for sharing your story !

    • Ashley says:

      I’m in the same boat. I have 2 nieces and hopefully some day I will have more. They’re the closest thing I’ll ever have to a daughter and are so fun to watch grow! Good luck to you too!

  7. Lisa says:

    I loved reading this and everything you wrote is so incredibly true! I have had 4 miscarriages, each one different, but each one remembered. I recently had my “rainbow baby” back in July and I still think about my angel babies in heaven almost daily. I thank you for saying what needed to be said. Much love and many hugs!

    • Ashley says:

      Thank you for your sweet words! Angel babies aren’t forgotten babies. I hug my “rainbow baby” extra tight when I think about the one I lost.

  8. Barbara says:

    Thank you for this. I had 4 beautiful healthy boys. Then we were blessed again. This time the day after Valentines day, I miss carried. The doctor’s office said I could just stay home, I would either lose the baby or not. Hours of intense labor and pain. I felt so guilty that I was so full of grief when I already had 4 boys. I think and grieve on the due date and the day I lost the baby. It will be 8 years ago in Feb. Thank you again for sharing.

    • Ashley says:

      Thank you for your comment. And I relate to the feeling of guilt for grieving because I knew I was already blessed with children. But I had to remind myself that each child is an individual gift and each child deserves to be missed, even if we have other children.

  9. Amber says:

    Thank you for sharing. As I sit in my kitchen and read your story, I think of my little that would be making an appearance in about two weeks of all had gone well. It’s not just a little loss and not something my heart will just get over. I am sobbing for my unborn child and for everyone who has lost an angel. I have no children and pray that one day i might. But atleast I know I am not alone.

  10. Jess says:

    Thank you. I have no one to talk to. I’ve felt so alone. Reading this made me cry but also made me feel a little less alone.

      • Jess says:

        Thank you so much. I’ve tried to cling to my faith but after this 3rd time I have really felt depression taking hold. Work has been impossible. Everything seems to be out of my control.

        • EBA says:

          Please know you are not alone. I’m crying thinking about my precious baby that never had a chance at life. The horrifying week I endured waiting for a follow up ultrasound just “incase” they got something wrong. I often think what that baby would look like. I also have tremendous guilt since I got pregnant six months after. How could I grieve a baby that had to lose its life so I could have my daughter. My angel baby would be making 2 in March. I’m watching my 16 month old play right now and I’m sobbing. Happy that I have my daughter but sad I couldn’t have both.

          • Ashley says:

            This is my exact story. I still remember going back on a Friday and praying that they had been wrong in the first ultrasound. Just clinging onto that small hope that they had missed something. I miscarried in December and then was pregnant in May. I have the same feelings with guilt over how to handle knowing that I wouldn’t have my sweet 10month old if I wouldn’t have had that miscarriage, but still having the desire to know that baby.

          • Melinda says:

            I feel the same guilt. I was 35 weeks pregnant with my baby girl, when I lost her to still birth on August 9th, 2014. Her name is Haileigh, and i will always love her, probably the most of all my babies. She was my first pregnancy, after trying to conceive with my boyfriend, for 4 years! We weren’t really trying for another baby, but only a month after delivering Haileigh, we got pregnant with baby #2. I was afraid to say anything to anybody, being so very soon after our loss, but was shocked at all the support and kind words that we have received since. I’m currently 15 weeks, so just into the 2nd trimester, and due between June and July, if all goes well. We find out the beginning of February what we afraid really having, and I’m excited. While I think of our baby girl everyday, and cry often, I know she’s watching over us, and watching over her baby brother or sister, and protecting us with her little angel wings. She was so beautiful, it’s impossible for us to think of who she would be today, at almost 5 months old. I just hope she knows, that she will always be loved and missed greatly, and that this baby, nor any that follow, will never take her place, or remove the hurt of losing her.

        • Stephanie says:

          I have had three miscarriages and I now have 3 perfect baby boys. You don’t ever forgot your babies you lost but there is hope in having a rainbow baby. Don’t lose your faith. (Also I had to be put on progesterone suppositores as soon as I got Pregnant..may be something to look into). Keep smiling!

          • Valerie says:

            I’ve had two miscarriages and both were due to low progesterone. I was very close to losing my third (son, now 4). If I would have been sent to a specialist with my second pregnancy, I believe the miscarriage could have been avoided.

      • Nidhi says:

        I had a miscarriage 2 months ago. This was my first pregnancy. I have tried hard to move on but somehow I feel like there is no moving on from this. I cried silently for a while but then one day broke down and shared. I didn’t receive the sort of emotional support that I had hoped for. To this moment, people who know about what I went through tell me how I will get pregnant again and how I should stop thinking about what has happened. But I already feel like a mother who has a baby, just that he/she was taken away from her. And the strange thing is that I’m hoping to see my baby someday. But then again reality hits me and I feel so sad when I realize that that is not practically possible. It kills me inside.

  11. Lynn says:

    My miscarriage was 30 years ago this past July (1984). I still grieve and think of and wonder every single day! I relate to everything you said. It wasn’t just a miscarriage. I lost a part of me and my husband, our baby. It never leaves my mind.

    • Ashley says:

      Thank you for your comment. I am sorry for your loss. Your comment shows that this is a loss we will carry with us until we meet our angel babies.

  12. Allison says:

    My husband and I found out our surprise baby no longer had a heartbeat on Nov 3, 2007 at 9 weeks and 2 ultrasounds into my pregnancy. I had a DNC four days later. Man, that wait for the procedure to happen was the absolute hardest time of my life.
    I also think about that baby on an almost daily basis. I have two boys now, but wonder the same as you, “was that my girl?”
    Seven years later, and it still brings tears to my eyes when I realize he or she would be having a birthday on May 18th.
    You never forget, the hurt is real, and it is comforting to read that others feel the same.

  13. Cynthia says:

    My husband and I miscarried our baby girl, Hope, on October 5, 1994. She is forever in our hearts. We look forward to seeing her in Heaven one day, but the loss will always be felt here on earth. Birthdays, school activities, special family times and holidays are especially hard, but everyday she is remembered. Some days with tears and sadness and other days with wondering who she would have become. I count my blessings that I experienced the joy of carrying her for a few short months. Jesus Christ has carried us through and He will continue to carry all of us.

  14. Rebecca says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I got pregnant at a very young age and miscarried when I was five months along. At such a young age it was hard for me to understand why and for a while I was very angry about it. I was in labor for a week with light contractions and even went to the ER to find out what was wrong. At the end of the week I went through horrible pain and eventually gave birth to my baby girl. I got to hold her for a while before I had to say goodbye. We had a beautiful baptism and funeral for her and that is when I named her Marissa Ann. It was hard for me to talk to my family about it because I just didn’t think they understood. After lots of praying and talking with a few women who’ve also gone through miscarriages the anger went away and I could grieve. She would have been 8 years old this year and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of her. I also visit her grave all the time. I cry every now and then when I think about all I am missing without her. I am now more open with my family about my miscarriage and love that they listen and talk to me about it. I think of Marissa as my angel. Because of her I was able to finish college and am now in a career that I love. At my young age I don’t think I would have not been able to do the things that I have done had I had a child. But now I know she is with me through everything.

    It’s not something that goes away and I know when I do have children Marissa will always be my first born and I will share the story of my children’s sister with them.

  15. Kara says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I suffered 9 miscarriages. 7 of them were before I had a beautiful daughter. I had a miscarriage after my daughter. Then I had a handsome little boy. My last miscarriage was when I got pregnant with my last handsome little boy & I miscarried his twin. It really is hard to go through that & I constantly think about them all. They are my little angels. I love my children deeply but there will always be a piece of my heart missing my babies that are with Jesus. I know they will only know love & happiness. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.

    • Ashley says:

      I really like what you said about them only knowing love and happiness. I guess that thought can make it a little more bearable. Thank you!

  16. Heather says:

    Thank you for posting this. Just went through this with our first baby December 11,2014 . After having my d&c I was having contracts that were 2 -4 minutes apart. It’s so hard to go through all the emotional pain and then have all the physical pain on top. Going through all the labor pain but having no baby at the end is hard. Things have been getting better but sometimes we have our bad days. Thank you again.

    • Ashley says:

      I’m so sorry your Christmas season was filled with this loss. Make sure you take some time to grieve. I will be thinking of you!

  17. April says:

    I experienced this 2 years ago on August 22 and not only was the loss hard but the hospital bills were a bitter reminder of it! We left for our Hawaii vacation 2 weeks later which helped distract us from it!
    By December we found out we were pregnant again with our daughter now and she was born on August 19th, just 3 day short of one year since my miscarriage! I always imagine meeting my little angel someday!

    • Ashley says:

      Yes… those darn hospital bills. Seemed as if they were rubbing it in even more. I’m glad you had your rainbow baby! We also took a small trip-we went skiing- the week after my miscarriage. It was nice to get away.

  18. Rachel Waid says:

    I feel like applies to is that can’t bear children, either. At least a woman that miscarries is allowed to grieve. We get nothing. We were never expecting in the first place. I imagine what my daughter would look like when I look into my niece’s eyes. I know she is the closest thing I’ll ever have to a genetically related little girl. And it kills me that looking into her beautiful face is so painful. I love that face and try to push it aside. Sometimes it’s hard. I now live by “It is What it Is” because that best describes the mindset where I can find peace . I can’t change it, I can’t time travel, I can’t predict the future. Right here. Right now. It is what it is.

    • Tonie says:

      Yes Rachael Waid, I understand completely of what you are saying. I never could get pregnant . So I never miscarried. But I always wondered what my baby would look like. Then I was working on an album for an agency to send in and met a lady that needed to give up her child and 3 weeks later we had a beautiful little girl ! I would adopt again in a heartbeat! When God does it he does it right! Our little sweetie looks just like us! Lol
      God is good!

    • Katy says:

      I was going to share this website as a general post, but I’ll leave it here, for you. The acute suffering the childless, mothers–and fathers–who have lost their children (before birth or after), mothers of children with chronic physical and mental struggles, is so isolating. We all seem to suffer alone, and feel no one else understands. And in a way, they don’t.

      My miscarriage experiences were very different than the author of this post. I was bothered by the ultrasound techs knowing, but not telling me, and me being oblivious to their awkward silence, and the silence of no heartbeat (I think it was protocol to wait for the doctor to tell me). The worst thing was there was no body, just placenta, blood and clots.

      May you be granted peace in your particular suffering, Rachel.

      http://heremembersthebarren.com/

    • Ashley says:

      I am so sorry. I have no comforting words, but I am thinking of you. I hope that you know how special and important you are. I am sure that you will be used in a way that only you can be.

  19. Grandma says:

    We got the call last month that our beautiful Granddaughter Mackenzie’s heart had stopped beating when her sweet Mom couldn’t feel her move that afternoon. She was due this month.

    What a terrible loss we all feel. Only our faith is carrying us. From what I’m reading, we all need to remember and let the parents know we do,and that we are continually praying for peace and comfort.

    Definitely reach out. I also read and know that Grandparents cry twice: for both our loss, and for that of our sweet children.

    All I know is Heaven is sweeter, and I’m looking forward to holding her again.

    Much love to you all. XOXO

    • Jan says:

      There is a book entitled, ” I’ll Hold You in Heaven” that offers answers to many questions. Too many times I find the daddy is overlooked. Support group are indeed great. But Jesus is the only answer. My comfort comes in knowing that my babies are in the arms of Jesus until I get to hold them in Heaven. On this side of heaven, you don’t “get over” a miscarriage, you go through the process of a loss… God bless you all.

      • Grandma says:

        Thank you. I agree. When I first held her, my sweet daughter-in-law said, “The first face she saw when she opened her eyes was Jesus!” Jesus, Only Jesus is a song we sang in our Christmas music this year.

    • Ashley says:

      I have never thought about the loss a grandparent feels. But it is so true. I am sure that my mom would agree with you 100%. Thank you for your comment.

      • Grandma says:

        Thank you. I agree. When I first held her, my sweet daughter-in-law said, “The first face she saw when she opened her eyes was Jesus!” Jesus, Only Jesus is a song we sang in our Christmas music this year.

  20. Melissa waid says:

    I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks around 38 yrs ago. It is sad and very hard to deal with but, I feel a miscarriage is natures way of aborting a fetus that had a birth defect of some sort. I had bleeding & severe cramps but never considered them “labor pains”. I was hospitalized for a few days , had a d&c & went home. Thirteen months later we had a baby girl..this is the child I was meant to have. I never sit and think or compare the what and ifs about the child lost & the child born afterwards. I understand the heartache of women that never have ” biological” children & my heart breaks for them & the ones that deal with the death of a child or miscarriage.. You see, I see it everyday, this sweet girl named Rachel Waid, is the baby girl I speak of that I had 36 yrs ago & I wouldn’t trade for anything or anybody..
    No one is to blame..no one causes it nor can one stop it from happening. So I guess it really is what it is..
    I love you, mom

  21. Love says:

    Mine was 12 years ago, when I was 22 years old. I’ll punch In The throat anyone that thinks,”oh it’s only a first trimester miscarriage”, or “it’s not viable”.
    I was probably 6-8w along and I was doubled up in severe pain.. It lasted 24 hours. Pouring blood. I didn’t go
    To the ER till a few days later when I had a sudden pain in my uterus. The emotional pain was worse. My little life inside me was gone. I
    Couldn’t be around any baby’s or pregnant friends. My aunt (in another state) was pregnant and I dismissed totally not sending her a card, or calling. My wonderful
    Boyfriend at the time took me to petsmart and I adopted a 6w old kitten. It really helped distract, I felt so maternal and loved it.
    I now have a healthy perfect 1 year old boy. I wholeheartedly commend the strong women who continue to try to conceive after enduring multiple miscarriages. I was so hurt the first time I think I’d never try again if I had a 2nd.

    • Melissa waid says:

      My post wasn’t meant to be unfeeling or hurtful towards what anybody else experiences with their miscarriage. Only talking about how it was for me & how I dealt with it…I moved on and had a successful pregnancy. I appreciate your post but feel apart of it was unnesssary. Mine was never meant to be mean spirited.

  22. Maria says:

    You are so, so accurate. We were with our 4 year old daughter going to see our 2nd ultrasound at 14 weeks. So exciting! Until the baby had no heartbeat. I had my D&C the day after my birthday. Every year I get out my little box with my ultrasound pictures, cards from friends and imagine what that person would have been like. It is real grief and only those who have gone through it can know. I went on to have another little boy and can now help moms who miscarry as I am an RN in a recovery room. God knows the plan even as we wonder why!

  23. Laura says:

    I had my miscarriage on March 6, 1989. It still hurts today. The painful days do get less often but nevertheless they are still there and still hurt. I have 2 precious kids of which are now 20 and 15 and they do help occupy my brain so that the occurrences are less often.
    I was the first in my immediate family and friends that experienced a miscarriage. Shortly after mine my best friend am sister in law experienced them as well. Mine was in my fourth month therefore I had to deliver the baby knowing it wouldn’t live when I did. The most horrible experiment ever. Thankfully though I had experienced it that way because my sister in law had the same thing happen and she had to do the same. I was able to be there for her during hers since she had no family that could. She was farther along and it was a few years afterwards when she went through hers and things had changed. I wasn’t allowed to see or bury my baby. She was. This allowed me to have some closure that I never for with my miscarriage.
    It does get better just never goes away. It was the death or your baby. Grieve it as such and allow yourself that. You will be and are alright!!!

  24. v. says:

    Dec 6 2001 at 8wks, combined six years of infertility, it is the hardest thing I had to deal with. Two beautiful little girls later, and no matter how long it has been I don’t forget.

  25. Kati says:

    I had a miscarriage not this past weekend, but the weekend before Christmas. The doctor said I couldn’t have been more than 2 or 3 weeks along. I had been told by gynecologists for years that I would most likely have to do fertility treatments such as InVitro to conceive. As badly as my husband and I are hurting at the loss, we are so thankful to know that we do have a chance to conceive on our own. God bless all of you ladies and I hope that you all have peace and comfort in your time of need.

  26. cassie says:

    1 in every 3 pregnancies end in a miscarriage in the first trimester. You are not alone. Very far from it. Its been 10 years and while i miss my child less often thinking about who they could have been is still a thought that makes me cry.

  27. TO says:

    I just want to say Thank You! Thank you so so so much for posting this. I found out two days before Christmas (this year), that I am having a miscarriage. It has been the worse emotional roller-coaster I have ever been on. I had another miscarriage back in 2010. I started the actual miscarriage of the baby yesterday. I get so frustrated because some people, don’t understand that just because it is so early, and I didn’t get to hear a heart beat doesn’t mean I didn’t still have some form of attachment to her/him. Give me a minute to grieve without making me feel like a horrible person for having feelings. This gives me hope, that one day I can be, “okay”, with the fact that I miscarried, again. Not pain free, just okay. I have to amazingly healthy babies, and you’re so correct by saying it doesn’t make the hurt any easier. I can only continue praying for some peace in my heart. Thank you again!

  28. Danielle says:

    I loved reading what you wrote. All those words are so true. I have had 2 miscarriages one in 2010 and the other just last month right before Thanksgiving. That is when I lost my baby boy. I have 3 wonderful beautiful girls that are truly my heart. But I sit and think often about that little boy. My girls give me strength to move forward and I thank God for that each and everyday. I know that my lil boy is better off than being here with all this violence that is going on everywhere. I hope and pray that others find comfort in your words as I did. I pray for each person who has been through times like this.

  29. Queen says:

    Thank you so much for expressing the pain we go through after having a miscarriage. I had mines over a year ago, and I blamed God, myself, and even things I prayed to God for. I lost my child in the most saddest way, and I didn’t have support. I went through it all on my own. Afterwards, I was teased about it by my family. It was unfair, and I still think about it. Im a pretty strong person, but I was homeless, in another state, and the father of my baby was in jail. Not the ideal situation to lose the last thing that gave me hope. But, I pushed myself to get through it, I prayed to God for help, and understanding, and I made it! I know now that it wasnt for me. Now, im married with someone else, I have my own place and cars, a great job, and most of all; “I have a growing relationship with God.” I learned to accept it and now, I depend on God to give me that beautiful baby. God will make it possible!

  30. Juli says:

    Christmas time I was 6 months pregnant with my little girl . It was dec.27 ,1979 , I will never forget her ! I wish there was more support groups for this ! I had awful nightmares , but with the support of family soon night terrors subsided! It’s so sad and I am so sorry for the women going thru this . I was 19 years old and at 55 I have never forgot the pain of losing her!

  31. Katie says:

    My boyfriend and I found out at the beginning of July that I was 9 weeks pregnant. Total shock for both of us. I told my mom and best friend, and he didn’t want to tell anyone yet. I am a photographer and at one of my shoots towards the end of July, I fainted. His sister is an ER nurse, so I broke the rule and called her. She told me it sounded like I was having a miscarriage and it was so early there was nothing they could do. So I went to the h

  32. Katie says:

    The hospital any ways, and she was right. After two days of complete hell for me, I finally though I could confide in my close group of friends. With us being so young, and not prepared, I guess non of them took it serious. One of them said “oh what a blessing, you won’t have to give up your life now.” I finally found someone who understood, and I can’t say enough how thankful I am to have someone who was able to help me through this time. You can’t expect your friends to understand if they haven’t had any experience with it.

  33. Hannah says:

    I am 25 years old. I’ve been pregnant 5 times. I have only one daughter living. Three first trimester miscarriages and one still birth at 6 months pregnant. The best word for me to describe my feelings on this is anger. I’ve yet to accept a lot of what has happened to me. Why is always the biggest question. I don’t think I’ve done anything bad enough in my life to deserve any of it. I’ve made mistakes but I am a giving, selfless person really. I am very thankful for my daughter, but it doesn’t stop the pain. I had little to no support with any of my miscarriages which also caused my divorce. We were together for 8 years. Got pregnant the end of the second year together. That was the still birth. He didn’t know what to do or say and I understand that. Afterwards I explained my feelings towards his actions or nonactions. So I thought he would be there if it ever happened again. Wrong. He wasn’t around or available to talk to or comfort me for the next one or the next one. Our experiences with this were handled differently and seperately. Because of this hatred was created. Not long after the last misscariage I filed for divorce. I have forgiven him for some of it, and am working on forgiving him for the rest. We have a 3 year old daughter together so we have to be civil and communicate regularly. I guess I said all that to say this. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF A MISSCARRIAGE OR STILL BIRTH IS YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM!!!! Talk to somebody! Be sure to involve your husband/ boyfriend, siblings, parents, close friends… It makes it way easier when someone is aware of your feelings.

  34. Rochelle says:

    A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me, because I go to the Father. John 16:16

  35. Kristina says:

    Yes you are completely correct, having another baby doesn’t take the pain away. Having twins and miscarrying only 1 was super hard. I was so scared that the pain I was having miscarrying the one would some how hurt my other. (He is fine by the way.) Thank you for the article it helps knowing I’m not crazy for hurting so much.

  36. Tiffany says:

    I have just experienced a miscarriage… Actually still going thru it. My daughter is 8 and this pregnancy was a HUGE surprise. My husband and I had a four wheeler accident during week 2 of pregnancy and I had a ct scan done of my stomach. We found out 2 weeks after that I was pregnant. We felt like for me to have went thru all that, that this baby was our miracle. It was not meant to be…the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. I can’t stop questioning why. Trying to explain this to my 8 yr old has been so difficult. We felt led to tell her the week before Christmas. I had my first appt that same week and it was just a general question/ answer appt. They scheduled me an appt last Monday and that’s when we found out the baby stopped growing. We had to go thru the next few days waiting on blood results to make sure… Found out christmas day my levels dropped. All your points are feelings I have gone thru. I was so mad for the first couple of days. I didn’t want to talk about it or have anyone touch me. Yesterday, however, I cried the whole day. Thank you for this post…

  37. patty says:

    I have had 4 miscarriages and it is never easy. I always wonder,” What did I do wrong?” Sometimes it isn’t about what we do wrong but about timing. There is a time and a season for everything. God has the most perfect timing for everything we go through in life. God allows us to go through things in our life to help others. There is a purpose for everything we go through. Although I don’t know what it is, God does.

  38. Shelly says:

    Thank you for sharing this. It has been 17 years since my miscarriage and my husband and I still talk about our baby and wonder what they look like. We have an 11 year old daughter and she too talks about her older sibling. I hope one day to meet this precious child that made such an impact in my life. How beautiful that this child has been with the Lord.

  39. Susie says:

    I’m the grandmother. We’ve lost 2 babies this year, one from each son. It’s painful and I truly believe each lost child has a soul. I hope to meet those babies in heaven.

  40. Brandy says:

    I had a miscarriage and then still born daughter at 28 weeks 5 days. It destroyed me. Her birthday is next month, she would have been 10. I still struggle every single day. I was lucky enough to have another girl . The irony is that my first doctors appointment for my last pregnancy was on my still borns birthday. So blessed to have my princess now, but it never replaces what you have lost. I strongly suggest getting help to anyone who has experienced this. Much love and respect to all of you Mommies of Angels!

  41. Brandi says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I had my first miscarriage 18 years ago on Mother’s Day and a day that is suppose to be about celebrating mothers became a day of grieving for me. A year and a half later I had my daughter. I miscarried twins after that and then an ectopic pregnancy after that. It doesn’t get easier. 18 years later and I still think of those babies and I wonder.

  42. Carolyn says:

    This past July I found out I was pregnant but my numbers weren’t great. We were just hoping it was still too early since we had been trying for over a year for our first. Two weeks later I wound up in the emergency room with a ruptured ovarian cyst that I thought was a miscarriage at the time. They tested my numbers again and they hadn’t doubled only gone up slightly. After an ultrasound that day and another the next at my doctor’s office, we discovered I was having a cervical ectopic pregnancy (extremely rare). I had a shot of methotrexate and was sent home to wait for my numbers to go back to zero hopefully with no complications (like bleeding out). I am fine today and we are still trying but not a day goes by that I don’t think about what if that didn’t happen. I have a lot of pregnant friends right now and it is so difficult to think that should be me too. I would have had a March baby and I know come March I will be thinking about that everyday!

  43. Regina says:

    After having 2 children I had a miscarriage but mine was a so call good one if that possible I never cramped or bled just went to the dr appointment and had no heart beat the next day I had to have a DNC still to this day I don’t know why or what actually happened to cause my miscarriage this year coming will be 13 years ago I did have 2 other children after the miscarriage me and my 3 girls were talking about it today I can remember it like it was yesterday

  44. michelle says:

    I had a miscarriage (actually, an ectopic) in 1997 that literally almost killed me. While the daily pain and sadness have passed, Christmas time is the most difficult for me because that was the time I was due. I often wonder about that child, would it have been a boy or a girl, would they have looked like me. One of the hardest things for me has been the lack of understanding from others. Someone actually even made a comment that I couldn’t/didn’t grieve as much as another person we knew going through the same thing because I wasn’t married at the time and the other person was, like somehow being married determines how much you love your child. I have twins now and my husband and I have talked to them about the baby I lost. They have asked a lot of questions and we like to think of him or her waiting for us, at the side of Jesus.

  45. Tabitha says:

    I get this! 22 years ago, I had a miscarriage. While the pain does dull, it never fully goes away. I still wonder what he/she would have been like today. Would she have been in college now? Would he have found love by now? There are so many things left with no answers. While I now have 3 children, I still miss my first every day.

  46. Ashley says:

    My husband & I just found out the day after Christmas that we were loosing the baby. I had 3 days of bad pains but the bleeding stayed at a normal period level for me. This is my first (& hopefully only) miscarriage. I was barely 5 weeks pregnant but we had known for 4 weeks. It still amazes me that we had a positive test in the first week, 12/6/14, but I think God let us know so soon because he knew we wouldn’t get to be together very long. We were so happy this month but Christmas this year was very hard. The baby just past through last night, 12/29/14, with very little blood with it & I feel like I’m lucky to have been able to keep from biggest fear of just flushing the baby down the toilet with everything else. Some may think that’s morbid but it has actually helped give me a bit of peace that we could burry our baby no matter how small. I know we have a long road ahead of us but my husband has been a great support for me.

  47. Charlene says:

    This story touched me in a way I forgot stories could. I miscarried just over 4 years ago. It was a first trimester tubal pregnancy. I too never knew how hard miscarriage is until I had one. I always felt that mine was a little….less I guess because my doctor did surgery to remove the baby for fear that he/she would blow my tube and possibly kill me. So I didn’t have to experience all the pain of miscarriage labor. 4 years and lots of tears later I am still struggling to conceive again, but I have come to terms with the loss of my baby, and while he/she still crosses my mind on occasion and always on the day of surgery, I am starting to heal. God bless us and our Angel babies

  48. Teresa Jones says:

    Ashley, first I want to say sorry for your loss. And second Thank You for your post, I have had 4 miscarriages also with the first one carrying twins. I have 2 boys now, 21 and 16 yrs old. It is a tremendous loss, and grieving is important. Reading the comments I can identify with all of them. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with any kind of loss, but like you said losing a baby that you never got to hold leaves a huge void in your heart. I’ve struggled with that for years, but after reading Heaven is for Real, I found some peace with it. I’ve always had my faith, but some things you just can’t comprehend alone. Thank You again for sharing. God Bless You and your family!

  49. rita says:

    April fools day 1974 after nine months pregnancy I lost my little boy – 18 yrs old & 1st – pelvic don’t give – 40 yes later still have bad days .

  50. Pam says:

    I never knew how painful a miscarriage was until my daughter had two. It’s a deep hurt she experienced and I felt it too. Very sad but I know I will see those babies one day because Heaven is for real!!!

  51. Hailey says:

    hi, I had a miscarriage 5 weeks ago…well I found out about it 5 weeks ago. I went in for my first dr appointment at 9 weeks 4 days…I had an ultrasound done to determine exactly how far along I was and the baby was measuring 7 weeks 5 days with no heartbeat…the dr sent me home and had me come back the next week with a follow up ultrasound just to make sure. Nothing had changed. I went home to try to go through things naturally…I started bleeding a few days later and then had terrible contractions two days in a row I went to the er because it was so bad and nothing had passed. I ended up having a d and c done and the dr said it was a good thing because even though my body was trying it could have taken another week to a week and a half…
    This was my first baby I was crushed that first week and we prayed and begged for God to give our baby a heart beat but he didn’t…during the second ultrasound all I could think was it is well with my soul it sucked and it broke my heart but matter what my god is in control he knows what he is doing and he is in control…he has held me through the last 5 weeks and I know he will continue to carry me through it all…
    We are going to wait a few months before trying again and I pray that God will bless us with a little one when his time is right…it has been hard and I’m sure it won’t go away but I know that my God will take care of me because he promises it in psalms 34:18
    The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.

    I hope and pray for the peace that he gave me to be poured out on any one else going through this…

  52. Laura says:

    Bless your heart!! No, the pain stays & so does every memory…. My son was term & stillborn,,, I carried him, for 2 weeks knowing he was gone. He would be 42 next month…. my other child would be 35 this year. I talk to them both. our God brings Peace…

  53. Monique says:

    I was told I need to just get over it, you will forget with time, and it was for the best. It’s been two years and I haven’t gotten over it, I haven’t forgotten. I still have the scars from surgery and the hospital bills. I also have the what ifs.I also don’t have anyone to talk to about it because they don’t understand.

    • Grandma says:

      I’m so sorry for your pain. I hope you can find the support you need. There is a facebook group called Compassionate Friends that I found. It helped me to be able to hear from others who are going through this so I could know how to process my grief and support my kids.

  54. Beth says:

    Thank you for this post. December 21st after having the flu for 2 days I woke up with my son and found that I was bleeding. 3 hours later we were told my baby stopped developing around 6 weeks. One of the hard things is that not one person came in that room without saying “next time you will have a healthy pregnancy” my baby was still in my body, heartbeat or not he/she was still here, you could see them on the screen. I had contractions the better part of Sunday and have been struggling with the pain, emotionally and physically ever since. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and wouldn’t have made it if it weren’t for my husband and son. They give me hope, and so much love. My baby was due July 19th. I couldn’t wait to hold him/her, I just hope and pray they know how excited I was too be their mommy, for them to have the best big brother and amazing daddy. You are my angel sweet baby I will never forget the happiness you gave me. Prayers to each and every one of you with angel babies, and the babies you can only imagine or dream of.

  55. Ashley says:

    These verses helped me cope with both of my miscarriages.

    -2 cor 1:3-4
    God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

    -psalms 34:18
    The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

    -Isaiah 41:10
    Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

  56. Brittney says:

    Thank you for sharing this. It’s been very hard I have lost 2 babies. 1 before and after my son. My son is a miracle. I’m very sorry for your loss but thank you for posting these verses and words of hel0. It’s been 8 years since my 1st baby died and 3 since my last one. I have never ever grieved properly. I had.to have a full hysterectomy 2 years ago and knowing I will never be able to have more children biologically makes the emotional pain that much worse. It’s always hard xoxo the month of August become that’s when they were both supposed to be born. I’ve been told how can you love and miss someone else 2nd was never born and all the things a grieving mother never wants to hear. I have had chemical imbalance for a long time and hormones are not my own anymore and lately all I do is wonder and think and it hurts seeing all these babies dying children dying women that are blessed to get pregnant and successfully give birth all day the child live and all they do is drugs or drink and don’t take care of their blessings it literally makes me want to choke those people.

  57. Kathryn Johnson says:

    Thank you for sharing this blog post! I shared it on my Facebook page, Hannah’s Hope (ministry for pregnancy loss). I also shared the Velveteen Rabbit quote you used – I hope that’s okay. I have had three pregnancy losses myself. )-: Thank you!

    ~Kathryn

  58. Paisley says:

    Hi there. I’m so sorry for your loss, I too had a miscarriage almost three years ago. I still dream and cry about my baby and the hole in my heart all the time. I will never be able to “get over” it like everyone thinks. I can’t find peace with it. We are trying to conceive and having a hard time… I’ve had several surgeries and issues.. I Haven’t done a lot of research on adoption and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to create a miracle on my own.. Losing hope. :/

  59. Jill says:

    It still feels like a fresh wound, I had a miscarriage at 16 wks October 25, 2013. We named him Nicholas Gage. I knew he was a boy because I was given to options, either to have an E&C or deliver. I didn’t want my baby in pieces, even though he was gone I wanted him whole. I’m a different person than I was before, it has forever changed me. 5 months later I found out I was pregnant again. I was excited yet so so scared. Then on Nicholas’ due date I found myself in the ER experiencing a threaten miscarriage. After I was sent home (still pregnant) I stayed scared until the day Victoria arrived Nov. 20, 2014. She has made me as complete as I can or will ever be. People ask how many kids this makes for me and I always include Nicholas. He is my angel baby that will live on forever.

  60. Ashley says:

    thank you for sharing.
    We lost our second baby at 14 weeks on August 4 of this year. I pray for my angel babies every night and think of them constantly. We have a 2 year old daughter who keeps asking mommy for a baby we can keep.
    We found out a week ago we are pregnant for the 4th time in 3 years… I’m terrified and hopeful and scared and unbelievably happy. I pray this is my sweet baby girls sibling that she can grow with, but if not, she will know she has siblings in heaven that will be waiting for her. They will wait her entire lifetime to spend the rest of forever with her and I can not be more grateful for that.
    I have a few friends who have experienced multiple miscarriages like myself and they are my rocks. We are in a “club” that is very exclusive. It cost the life a child to be a member, but we will always have each other to help us back up, even on our darkest days… Because we have each other to understand the pain…

  61. Debora Hunter says:

    I’m so sorry for your lose and I know what your going through. I’ve had 2 miscarriages. My first was in 2000 and the other at Thanksgiving 2001. I already had 2 other children but we wanted more children . I still have dreams about them, wonder what they would have been like. Everything you wrote in your post is the same feelings I had but with my second miscarriage it was worse. I went into a depression and wouldn’t talk to anyone hardly. I was in the hospital over night with that one. I just told my husband I couldn’t go through it again. I still have 2 wonderful children but miss my other 2 deeply.

  62. Brianna says:

    thank you for posting this, it’s not really a subject people talk about and knowing your not alone helps a lot. It has been 4 years since my baby girl passed away and I still miss her everyday and wonder what she would have been like. But I’m so sorry about your loss and I hope one day you will find peace.

  63. Liz Walliker says:

    Thank you for sharing your miscarriage publicly. Before I read your blog, I had never experienced someone else’s loss except my own. 43 years ago on May 6th, I lost my first child. I was almost three months along. I never even considered that I might not carry that baby to term. It was painful with sharp pains and constant cramping over 24 hours. My own Ob was not available so I was seen by a doctor I did not know. All the medical personnel who followed me through the process were professional and polite, but not one of them was sympathetic. I cried alone for myself and the child I would never know just as you did. My friends said they were sorry but not one of them asked me about my feelings and neither did my own Ob. I kept my sorrow and the very real fear that I might never have another chance to be a mother to myself. But, that was a different time, 43 years ago, and medicine has changed. Husbands stay with their wives now and even assist in the birth, and I think, feel the pain and share the joy of meeting their child. Back then, wives gave birth mostly alone and emotions were not openly shared with husbands, family, and friends. I was luckier than I thought: a year later I gave birth to a son and five years later I had a daughter. I love them with all my heart, but I still grieve that baby that I did not birth. But, every May 6th, I think of that baby and will always consider it my first child. ♡

  64. Theresa says:

    I had two miscarriages 8 years ago. My oldest son was 15, but my new husband and I wanted another child since he had no kids when we met. The first miscarriage was very much like a period. The second, however, I never “bled out” and required a D & C which was more frightening than imaginable. Praise Almighty God that my doctor figured out what was going wrong and prescribed the correct course of action. Ethan, the miracle child, will be 7 in February.

  65. Jessica says:

    I suffered my first miscarriage in 2006. I had a child already and 2 more after that miscarriage. I recently suffered another one and it was so painful and I was due on valentine. What hurt the most is not knowing why. And the physical pain we go through and not get a precious baby from it. I don’t think we’ll be trying again because that hurt I wouldn’t be able to bear

  66. CarrieP says:

    Mine would have been 4 in November. I grieve daily. My situation is not as happy as most of yours…I got pregnant my 1st try thru artificial insemination. That was the happiest day of my life! I had my 1st ultrasound on Thursday and everything was great, began bleeding the following Saturday, and lost my baby on Sunday. Unfortunately, getting my husband to agree to letting me have THAT baby was a miracle, and I’ve never had the chance to be a mom since. I’m almost 38 and I feel the blessing of being a mom slipping from my grasp as each day passes. I wonder if I’ll ever find happiness again. My heart is so heavy. Those of u who have other children, never take them for granted. This story is absolutely true. I’m always telling people who have never been thru it how clueless they are about the reality of a miscarriage.

  67. Rachel says:

    I randomly came across this post, and I really appreciate you writing it. I’ve suffered two miscarriages now. I have one son (in between the two miscarriages) and I’m currently pregnant again. Miscarriage is so hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it, but I think your post helps. Thank you for writing it!

  68. emily says:

    Yes so true. I’ve had 7 miscarriages. 3 with my ex, after going through $100 of infertility docs. And 4 with my husband now. I’m blessed to have my one and only son. But that pregnancy was scary and he was a bit over a month early. It helps talking with others who have been through one or more. The last has been several years ago..I think of them all the time & how I know I’ll never have another child. But I try to help others because yes each one is a terrible loss. God Bless you all

  69. Erin says:

    I rrally enjoyed reading this. I’m 30, I have had 13 lost pregnancy. In ten years i lost twelve pregnancy. It was hard, my partner and I didn’t tell anyone. We kept it all to ourselves. My partner didn’t understand what I was going though, I felt alone and desperate. I really can’t describe the pain i fept emotionally, physically, spiritually. I felt broken like I couldn’t even breath. I prayed so much, I just couldn’t find peace. Then one day I was at mass and suddenly felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. I relized then as much as i had prayed, that God had a plane and if that was for me to have a child it would happen. I felt better on e I realized this. I put my heart to the Lard that day. Later that year I found out I was pregnant again for my 13 time. I was terrified, but somthing felt difrent. My partner and I decided to tell the family this time as soon as we found out from the doctor. I carried to term with a lot of help from family. I had a wonderfule halthy baby girl. That was five years ago. A few months ago, I again found out I was pregnant. This pregnancy felt off from the start. I ended up losing the baby. I openly talked a out it with friends and family. I heald emotionally much faster with the help and suport. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about those babies and wonder. I know I’ll see tbem in heaven one day. I hope that every women going through this can find the strenghth to heal and find the suport they need. Noone understands the true pain, then someone who went through it. Thank you everyone for sharing your story it truly touched my heart to know I wasn’t the only who felt this pain and sorrow.

  70. HollyB says:

    It has been a blessing reading these stories and I felt the same way two years ago, I still struggle certain days and think about my unborn baby everyday. My husband and I tried for a few years to get pregnant, once the dr put me on clomid I was pregnant within three months. My best friend was a sonography teacher at a college and needed someone in their 1st trimester to show the students, well that was me and that’s when I found out my baby had passed. I was trying to call the dr while she felt with the students I was crying to hard to talk she rushed me to the dr and they confirmed, my husband came right as I got finished with the dr remember running into his arms and just crying, as I am now writing this . We have not been able to conceive since then, I had to have chemo injections because part of the placenta had reattached itself to my uterus and started growing. Anyways it was comforting to read how I am not alone in my miscarriage. We are actively seeking adoption at this point and are excited to see where the Lord leads us. God bless you all:)

    • Lou says:

      I am now an 81 year old grandmother. For 10 years and after 2 surgeries we finally gave up on trying to have a child and applied for adoption. Praise God we were blessed with a beautiful 6 month old daughter and 3 1/2 years later an infant son. Today our daughter is 55 years old and the mother of 2 lovely, precious daughters. Our son is 52 and the father of a son & daughter, both wonderful, loving grand-ones. These children are the apples of our eyes and the joy of our hearts. One granddaughter just recently had a miscarriage and, yes, I feel a great loss of my first great-grand baby. I wonder each day was the baby a boy or girl. I know my granddaughter grieves daily and I grieve with her and her husband and pray that God will comfort and carry them through their loss. I do understand the grieving of one who miscarried.

  71. Tiffany says:

    I have went through this twice. Thanks so much for the encouragement! You never know the pain and emotional roller coaster unless you go through this!

  72. Peggy Pooh says:

    I have miscarried twins twice. My daughter had a tattoo done on her shoulder of a butterfly in memory of them that says “Too beautiful for earth”

  73. Paula says:

    Sorry to hear of your loss. When I saw “Heaven is for Real”, I felt a real sense of HOPE, knowing that our three little ones are home; feeling very excited to know one day we’ll see them there and get to know who they are!

    • Alethea Smith says:

      In Heaven is For Real…did it indicate that you will have a baby even if it was too early to be completely formed. I know mine had a spinal cord. I saw it. My husband panicked and flushed the toilet and I think that bothered me too. I am a Grandmother now but after 44 years every April 21st is a day of deep thought for me.

  74. Kyla says:

    Thank you. I found out on Monday (four days after Christmas) that I had miscarried. This is exactly what I’m feeling right now.

  75. tara says:

    I have had two miscarriages. The first was with twins at 21 1/2 weeks and the second at 20 weeks. Its been 16 years for the first and 10 years since the second. There isn’t a day that goes by that I do jot think about the babies. And still to this day I struggle with our losses. I have found a way to deal with it and that is giving help to others that are going through what we have all gone through. And now I am trying to help a friend get ANGEL GOWNS to babies that pass during or shortly after birth. Or due to miscarriages. She makes these gowns from donated wedding and formal gowns from the area. When a family is in need of a gown she makes sure they get one for their child. My friend just lost her baby during birth and I have connected with my friend to help get the word out about the angel gowns. And boy oh boy has this really helped me. I know everything happens for a reason. And I was reminded by this death of her little boy. That if I had not miscarried my husband and I would not have adopted the two beautiful children we did. God had a different plan for us and it was for us to give two children that needed a home. A mom and dad to call their own.

    • Grandma says:

      I love the angel gown idea. When they gave our granddaughter her bath, they put a sweet little pink felt like gown on her and a hand-crocheted blanket and hat that a local church group had provided. That was so touching.

      Reaching out to others always helps me get through pain. If I had not borrowed a dress for my wedding, I would definitely be donating today! 🙂

  76. TracyComstock says:

    I myself have had four miscarriages, and one ectopic pregnancy. Now with all the fertility issues I have I only have one ovary left. If my husband and I want children we have to do In-vitro Fertilization. But the issue is we can’t afford it and I am losing faith that I will never be a mother. I am a great aunt to all my nieces and nephews. It’s something I struggle with everyday and it kills me to see people hurting their children when I want one so badly. I feel as if my husband is giving up his chance to have children because of being with me.

  77. Rol Frenette says:

    My Wife and I lost our first Daughter Danielle due to complications , she would have been 15 in March , we think about her alot and our 2 children know about their sister and think about her .

  78. Stephanie says:

    Thank you for sharing! I had one early miscarriage and I’m pretty sure I lost another before I was able to test. It made my anxiety level blow through the roof. I quit my job and settled into a depression for months. I was blessed with two children and one day I’ll tell them about my experiences so they know it happened. I can never stop tellng them how much they are loved and how special they are to me.

  79. Lisa says:

    Still so near and yet so far away from here,
    I still feel you close to me but you’re not there
    Echoes of your life surround me everywhere
    whispers of a voice that I will never hear

    For the memories we never made, And the words that were never said

    For the million tears I’ve cried, And the way you changed my life

    For the pictures that there’ll never be, Even though you mean the world to me
    .
    For the tears I will never dry, And silenced lullabies….

    time to face the world again away from here
    Hurt so much inside but it’s time to heal
    Somehow I believe you can hear these words
    still together somewhere in separate worlds

    For the memories we never made, And the words that were never said

    For the million tears I’ve cried, And the way you changed my life

    For the pictures that there’ll never be, Even though you mean the world to me
    .
    For the tears I will never dry, And silenced lullabies….

    How I miss you, I wont let go , inside my heart, always a place for you,
    I will hold on, it makes me strong, i know someday,
    all that was lost, will be replaced

    For the memories we never made, And the words that were never said
    For the million tears I’ve cried, And the way you changed my life
    For the pictures that there’ll never be, Even though you mean the world to me For the tears I will never dry, And the silenced lullabies…
    For the stories that we’ll never share, And night time sleeps in this bed

    For the hands that we will never hold, And the places that you’ll never know

    For the photographs I’ll never take, And the paintings that we’ll never make

    For every single tear we cry, And our plans for you all cast aside

    For the pictures that there’ll never be, Even though you mean the world to me

    For the tears I will never dry, And the silenced lullabies

    I will hold on, and I’ll be strong, I know that we, have all eternity, with you

    https://soundcloud.com/lisajervis-rfr/si

    I know <3

  80. Nicole says:

    Blessed to see these post!! Today was my due date! No one knows what you go through until it is real to them. When you experience everything about birth and then have no baby! I was 12 weeks when I miscarried went in for ultrasound and found no heart beat!! The doctors don’t really give you any information on the matter just that 1 in 3 pregnancys end in miscarriage! I was sent home to go through the labor and started bleeding uncontrollably as in I would lie down and the blood would pool, stand up and a flood of blood! After having so much blood I got concerned that it may not be normal for so much blood! I didn’t know as I hadn’t experienced a miscarriage before!! I had a placenta abruptieo and needed a emergency D&C! I would have died if my mother just didn’t insist that I call the doctor to let them know how much blood! Doctors really should give you more information before they send you home to give birth ! I know God has all things under control and things planned for me that I cannot comprehend:) I am truly blessed to be alive and and love the little baby that’s waiting for my across the pearly gates!!!:)

  81. Grams says:

    I have never had a miscarriage, 2 healthy, beautiful kids. But my daughter-in-law has had 2. And my daughter 1. My daughter-in-laws first pregnancy was with twins & we lost one.
    Thank you so much for this! Of course I don’t feel the pain that my girls have, I would have given anything to take the pain from both of them. But as a grandmother I have felt loss. I think of those grand babies everyday!
    I am sorry for your loss. Thank you again for writing this, I feel like I understand my girls pain better.

  82. Lianne says:

    So many people just can’t quite grasp how hard a miscarriage can be. I wanted to be a mom…..well, forever. When I miscarried I just gave up for a bit. I just turned inward as everyone else went about their daily lives. Now, my little angel is almost 4 months old! I am the happiest woman alive and take nothing for granted! My daughter is my little angel and if she is all I can have, then I am more than satisfied!

  83. Valerie says:

    I’ve had two miscarriages due to low progesterone. I was very close to having a third miscarriage, but was able to carry my son to term with progesterone supplements. I wish I would have known about this sooner. I would have demanded to see a specialist before the second miscarriage.

  84. Michelle says:

    As I was reading this, I started thinking back almost ten years. I was very excited when at five weeks we learned we were having twins. My twins could be seen on two separate sonogram, when I went for another sonogram at 13 weeks there was only 1 baby. The doctor couldn’t tell me when I miscarried. I was very lucky to have had my son who knows he was a twin. We talk at times what it would be like if his sibling would have lived. I think of that child quite often.

  85. Nicole says:

    I had a Miscarriage in Feb 2005. It was my first pregnancy and so far my last. I have not been able to conceive since. I went through all the symptoms u listed. Thanks for postong. God blessed me with a beautiful baby boy that we adopted at 10 mon old. If I never have a child of my on, I am blessed and happy to have mu son. I do have that empty feeling of not being able to talk about labor and my pregnancy. Thanks again for this post.

  86. Brian says:

    Can agree with this blog. My first wife and I lost our son at 5 1/2 months into her pregnancy. Doctor called it an abruption. I just know we lost our son. i never was allowed to grieve properly. So I can get emotional when someting is mentioned about a miscarry. i have always wondered what I did wrong, what did she do wrong. Ican still see the little casket of his. Of all the years that it has been on my mind, he would be a senior this year. i teach high school and last year found it interesting that I did not have a student with his name. Here lately I have been playing the what if game. It never goes away, and the apin is still the same. Thak you for the song i an earlier post. I could not have said it any better. Thank you for letting a guy post, but it does affect us just as much.

  87. stephanie says:

    Hi Ashley,
    Just found your blog through a link on a friends wall on fb. So far all I know about you is what I have read on my friends page…..what you learned about having a miscarriage and then going to your page….your “about” you. It sounds like we do have at few things in common……a love for and reading God’s Word Daily and a love for home and family. I have six children, five boys and one surviving girl. The youngest will be 4 in February with the oldest turning 24 Jan 10th. In the process of having our five healthy boys and one healthy daughter, we lost three babies. Or as I try to say, there not really lost when you know where they are, in Heaven waiting for me. Our first was a very early miscarriage in 1993, then a miscarriage at 9 weeks in 2003, and then we lost a daughter in 2003 when I was almost six months pregnant with her. Her loss was very heard, but with time, the Lord has slowly eased our pain and gave us new joy. He is good. If you are interested I have a page on facebook. I am The Liberty Belle and would love to have you visit me sometime. Hope to see you soon 🙂

  88. Katie says:

    I can’t begin to tell you how much I needed that.
    The velveteen rabbit quote brought me to my knees.
    May God Bless you in 2015… And hopefully all us want to be mamas with babies!!

  89. Holly says:

    I had three miscarriages. All within a 7 month period. It was horrible.

    The first was at 8.5 weeks. We had already got to see the baby on ultrasound with a healthy beating heart. I had a D&C. For me, this was devastating. I am an OR nurse, and having to walk by the room daily where I was separated from my baby nearly killed me. So I became convinced if we got pregnant again, then my hurt would dissipate.

    The second miscarriage was at 7 weeks. Again following a normal ultrasound. This time I refused to go to the hospital. I was stubborn and difficult, and very lucky I didn’t cause a more serious problem. I took my niece to Disney on Ice. I had the tickets for months, and she was so looking forward to the experience. It was the earthly version of hell. Thousands of adorable kids is not what you need to be around when you are having contractions that double you over due to pregnancy loss. I followed that up with college baseball game, and ended up miscarrying in a restaurant bathroom. I hate that place. I will drive 20 minutes out of the way just to not have to look at it…still. Three years later.

    The third was a blighted ovum. Think of a beautiful flower bud that never blooms. That’s basically what it is. So I had the 2nd D&C. By this point, I needed some sort of counseling. But like most women who suffer miscarriage, I didn’t seek any assistance out.

    My husband was there throughout the whole thing. He is my rock. Always there if I need him. And he suffered too. Everyone forgets the fathers, grands, and siblings. They suffer too. They all had dreams that will never come true as well.

    After seeing several specialists and being told that I might have cancer, we found out that I have severe thyroid problems. An auto immune disease, that had been causing my miscarriages. After successful treatment and a fertility specialist, we conceived again! I was nervous and terrified, but thrilled. I thought the hurt was over.

    At our first ultrasound as I looked at the monitor with the physician, I saw it. I saw it and I knew, before the doctor confirmed it. I was pregnant with twins, but one baby was healthy with a beating heart and the other was going away. Loss #4.

    I now have one very healthy son, and for that I will praise God daily. But I also praise him for those 4 children that I never got to hold in my hands. I knew them. They knew me, and only me. And I loved them fiercely. I still do. I always will.

    The hardest part for me is that other people seem uncomfortable when I mention my other children. I need to discuss them. I need others to know they existed and that their lives mattered. I need them to be remembered.

    The miscarriage club is not a group anyone ever sets out to join. However, it is one of the most supportive groups of people that you will ever know. You are not alone.

  90. Sarah says:

    I lost a baby at only 1 month. It would have been my third child. My husband doesn’t know that I named her. I just don’t talk about it. We lost the baby in September then got pregnant in December of that year. It’s weird to have so little space between the two. We didn’t tell my two older kids about it at all.

    • Sonya says:

      I had a miscarriage in Nov. ’13 when I was approx. 8 weeks (they said 7w4d) and my husband doesn’t know I named our baby either. When I found out I was pregnant (besides my husband) I told my mom, my brother, a niece, and a best friend. My husband & I have 2 adopted boys (then 20 & 14) and we didn’t tell them either.

  91. S. says:

    I had two miscarriages. One in 1987 and one in 1997. And, yes, what you describe is very accurate. Both of the pregnancies were “surprises”, but the loss is/was very real.
    I still have two great kids (both were born before the miscarriages). My son lost his first child in 2011. So I have experienced loss through miscarriage both as a mother and as a grandmother.
    My husband died in 2008. It still gives me a great deal of comfort to know that he has now met those two never-born children and also his first grandchild. Until we meet again…

  92. KS says:

    Thank you for opening this door. After 2 miscarriages, I was left walking through life like a zombie and depressed for over a year! It wasn’t until I visited an exhibit where I saw the inside of the human body and they actually had unborn babies at different stages of development that I felt a breakthrough. It was like having the funeral that I was never able to attend, and it allowed me to begin the healing process. People really don’t understand the pain and get “annoyed” that you just don’t get over it. Posts like this will go a long way towards helping that ignorance.

  93. Jen says:

    Thank you so much for articulating the deep pain of miscarriages. I have had 7 miscarriages, the last one with twins. The Word of God and support is what has gotten me through each day.

    I now, by the grace of God, have two beautiful boys. My sweet miracles.

    I also highly recommend women who have had miscarriages to read, Heaven Is For Real. I remember crying and crying during that chapter. It gave me such an amazing peace and hope.

    Thank you, again for writing this for others out there to “somewhat understand” and for those going through the journey.

  94. Victoria says:

    I have had two miscarriages: one this year and one last year.

    The first time I got pregnant was a few months after my husband and I eloped; my parents still weren’t too happy with me. So I got little support from them, and my in-laws didn’t really understand me yet. On top of that, I miscarried Valentine’s week… Not such a great first Valentine’s as a married couple… I spent an entire month in bed, crying all the time…

    The second time wasn’t as bad. I had a better support system, and I didn’t know I was pregnant yet. I didn’t find out until I went to the hospital for the pain…

    I still cry for my baby boy and baby girl. (A mother can sense these things.) But I know that soon God will bless me with a child to watch and care for.

  95. .Cheryl says:

    I had a miscarriage 3 months ago. I was 10 weeks pregnant and lost the baby due to an ectopic pregnancy. I’m glad I found this article. It is a relief to know I’m not crazy! I have been depressed and trying to hide it ever since. I have been afraid to tell people how much I’m hurting inside over the loss of a baby I never got to see or hold. Every time someone asks me how I’m doing I really just want to scream! I guess it’s time to reach out and tell someone how I feel.

  96. Misty says:

    I went through a couple of miscarriages and they were a lot like your story with the labor pains. I was devastated when I caught my first one while in the bathroom at work. I am still devastated really. I lost my babies due to the doctor not doing tests to find out that all I needed was heprin injections. Also I asked for the embryo so that I could bury my baby but the doctor didn’t give it back to me. The most painful thing is that I was told after the last miscarriage that it would be a miracle for me to conceive again. I also haven’t had anyway to greive and morn. People look at it as my embryo not being a baby yet but to me it was. I saw it’s eyes and little arms it is horrible. All I ever wanted in my life was to have my chance at being a great mom and showing my child what unconditional love felt like. Thank you so much for this article it is nice to know that someone understands.

    • Katy says:

      “Also I asked for the embryo so that I could bury my baby but the doctor didn’t give it back to me”

      How awful. I’m so sorry. My miscarriage at 12 weeks (baby died at 7 weeks) didn’t expel a body–the doctor said it had probably dissolved– and that was really the worst part for me, not having a body to grieve over and lay to rest.

  97. Johnna says:

    I had 4 miscarriages before my daughter was born and then another one when she was a year old. I felt so alone and sure no one could relate. Everyone was supportive but didn’t know what to say. I know that 3 of my miscarriages were sons and I do wonder what would they have looked like … I love my three daughters but still think of my five unborn babies. I try to make myself available to any colleague or friend that experience the loss of a miscarriage to let them know they are not alone. Thank you for sharing

  98. mommy of 2 says:

    Tha k you for sharing. I lost a baby on September 18, 2008. I was in Virginia, my husband deployed in Haiti, my family 12 hours away. I knew when I woke that morning that something was wrong. My only friend out there had to come get me from the doctor to go to the hospital to confirm the loss. She was six months pregnant and though she was my friend, I hated her in that moment. I still think of that baby and now having two little girls, age 5 and nearly 1, I know what a miracle they truly are. I grieved for so long. Hated women who were pregnant. Hated myslef bc I wasn’t and couldn’t get pregnant. And then came my rainbow baby. My pregnancy was hard and she was a complete miracle. My second daughter was a surprise and such a blessing. But I still think of that baby. I wonder it that baby was my “boy”. A sweet lady I worked with actually went out and bought a little blue box with an angel baby on it and gave me a little blue and white baby sized bracelet that said forever loved. The day I returned to work, she gave me those things and held me as I cried. Everyone kept telling me to let it go, move on, don’t dwell. It’s not that easy. I just wanted to scream that my baby was dead. Stop telling me to move on! I am so very blessed to have two healthy happy girls. I wonder if I hadn’t had that loss, would I appreciate them as much as I do?

  99. Elizabeth says:

    I am sorry that I bursted into a lot of tears. It happened to me, too. I was so joyful ever… then I lost my joyful after what it happened to me. I even don’t have my mommy or my Austy whom I would share this with. Thank you for sharing your story.

  100. Susan says:

    while I can sympathize with your loss, I cannot agree with your pov of what everyone who has had a miscarriage feels. I had my first and only mc a year ago at 8 weeks. I have two other children who needed their mother, so wallowing in a jellied mass of self pity was not an option. I made my peace, said my goodbyes, and had a dnc. I resumed my regular routine the next day. My life did not end that day and I know I have too much to live for to be held prisoner by grief and remorse. Those of you who let these events cripple you, do yourself a favor,and get help. Stop remembering and start living. Let the dates pass fanfare, get rid of the memorial shrines, and put yourself back into the world. Life is too short to dwell over what never will be.

    • Katy says:

      I didn’t cry much either, but I also miscarried over 4 days, so it was a little interruption from my “routine” (and I had 4 kids to care for). I also do not think of my lost children every day at all, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me sad. I would also suggest having a routine is the best thing for grief–some times having the business of planning a funeral when a loved one dies is a relief to keep you from your thoughts and shock. I imagine most of the women posting did the same thing you did, except they were still grieving while they got back to their routine. They just grieve differently than you and I do. I don’t think their miscarriages crippled them.

      If I have another miscarriage, I wouldn’t have an d and c, unless the doctor ordered it for health reasons. Delivering a dead baby in a hospital sounds like the worst, ever. I prefer my pain, suffering and sadness in the privacy of my home. (But I understand others’ reasons to “get it over with”)

    • .Cheryl says:

      Susan your post is a little cold hearted. Who are you to judge how someone else grieves. Just because you were able to dismiss it like nothing happened doesn’t mean we all can. Congratulations on having 2 wonderful children, you are blessed. However, at the age of 36 I have experienced 2 miscarriages. I also adopted a little boy. Just before his second birthday we found out that the birth mother lied about who the biological father was. After several court hearings we had to hand custody over to his biological father. Needless to say I was completely heart broken! I have longed to be a mother since I was a child and I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that my dream may never come true. I hope you enjoy every moment with your children! The last thing I will say is this…Before you pass judgement about how someone else handles something try living that person’s life for a day!

  101. Leisa says:

    I’m a mother of 4 boys, and two miscarried children. One at 15 weeks, my anniversary and one at 10 weeks, Christmas Eve. 31 and 28 years ago, and I will still get a tear in my eye from time to time. I wonder too if one or both of them were my girl. But which ever they may have been, I believe they are in heaven with their grandfathers and other loved family members. Eventually the pain does numb and they are not in your daily thoughts, though they are often in your thoughts.
    My biggest comfort is that they are surrounded by the glory of God.
    I pray that your pain will ease as time goes on.
    By the way I am about to get “that” girl in the form of a grand daughter. First girl born in my husband’s family since the 1890’s. :). GOD BLESS you and your family.

  102. heidi says:

    a friend and co-worker sent me this as a link. i am so. ery glad she did! i found out on july 30 at 13 weeks pregnant – that my miracle baby had several severe birth defects. i was in complete shock! i have two wonderful boys, but my husband and i had been trying for a other baby for four years – thus my mirLce baby. we went back the following week with no changes – the baby was only measuring at 9 weeks. the heart and intestines were both outside of the ody and there was an issue with the spine. we talked for hours with the high risk OB , the genetitist as well as a grief counselor. we decided on a D&C – which brought on wave after wave of crushing guilt. but the dr had gi en the baby less than a 1% chance of surviving birth – it the baby even made it to term at all – which the dr felt would not have happened. on august 7, 2014 we went to the hospital – and the baby had. o heart eat. God was givingme some peace of mind for the utter heartbreaking decision we’d had to make. i had to go back to work the following week – i teach elementary school. it was so very hard! i still had bruises on my arms from the i v’s and my 5th graders asked about them! i had cut myself off from everyone for two weeks – i couldn’t deal with my grief much less deal with interacting with people. i was told to feel lucky i already had two kids – which i am – but that does not lessen the grief of losing my angel baby! i am so very glad this link was sent to me – it made me realize I AM allowed to still grieve – that i am not being dramatic or selfish! i have tried very hard to lock these emotions away and to move on – but find myself bursting into tears at random times! christmas was hard this year – i should have had another stocking hung and baby things wrapped under the tree. my husband and boys have been my rock and i hug them everyday – so very grateful. my due dare would have been feb15, 2015 and have alwady made plans with my girlfriends. yes,ife goes on, but my few short sweet moments i held that angel within me will stay with me forever. i had a memorial necklace made and had the ultrasound picture made into a pendant to wear. i tend to compartmentlize and hide behind jokes and laughter – but the pain is very real and will never truely go away. God had a plan for that Angel Baby – and still has a plan for me. i trust in Him that there a good things in store for me.

  103. ashlee says:

    I had a late miscarriage last January. I was almost halfway, I never imagined I would have a miscarriage at that point, because most miscarriages occur in the first trimester. But it was painful, and far enough intro the pregnancy that I had to bury my baby due to state law.

    It has been hard, one of the hardest things is that had several friends due within a few weeks if me, and as I see their babies it makes me miss mine even more than I already do on a daily basis. The other is having people ask me when we will try again, and I am just not ready emotionally yet. But we had several years of Fertility doctors and treatment to conceive.

    Two things that have helped me through my whole infertility and loss had been blogging, which I don’t even think many people read, but it is more for me to express myself and my feelings. Second is I found a poem this Christmas season entitled “I am spending Christmas with Jesus this year”, it is on my blog. Wantingtobeamommy2.blogspot. com

    I wish you the best. I am sorry for your loss. Happy new year.

  104. Jennifer says:

    I had my first miscarriage December 26, 2012 as well. I found out, by ultrasound, the Friday before Christmas that the baby had died. I was almost 12 weeks, but the baby had stopped developing during the 6th week.
    I can relate to everything you wrote. I had several friends who had due dates around the same time, and it has been interesting to watch those little ones develop and grow.
    My second miscarriage was this past summer. The due date for that baby is in the next couple of weeks. It is difficult. Friends who have never lost a baby do not fully understand. Like you said, it is a loss.

  105. Sean says:

    As a man, I cannot possibly begin to fathom the experience of having a human life grow inside of me. What a miracle that is just in its most basic form. To lose that life that was created inside of you has to be devastating. I would not even consider saying in any way what you are feeling will get better, or things will be okay, nor any other standard condolence that our society dictates in times of crisis. What I can offer is the hope of our Lord Jesus Christ. His perfect love and compassion can fill and renew you. Trust in his care and understanding, not your own. I absolutely believe that God has a special place for children. He showed that in the person of Christ as evidenced in Mark 10:13-16. I believe that while on this side of Heaven you may never know the reasons for what happened, I do believe that you will be reunited with your beautiful children one day in glory and they will be perfect. While it is not much consolation for you here, they actually were given a glorious gift and spared from the effects of sin, pain and a fallen world. I pray that you will have as much healing as possible during your time here on Earth and that Gog will richly bless you. Thank you for sharing your hope and inspiration with others and maybe helping others through their pain. God Bless You.

  106. Christy says:

    Wow. Thank you. Reading this was so like reading my own story. I am a mom to three beautiful boys. (No twins here though!) My first two pregnancies were a breeze. My third was completely different. I was very nauseous, so I just knew it had to be a girl! 😉 The day of our 10 week ultrasound we were delivered the shocking blow that our precious baby had no heartbeat. It’s like you said… A complete loss. I will never forget that horrible devastating feeling. And you are right, it doesn’t feel like a little blip on the radar. I think it’s almost made worse by having two children already. I know how much we love each other, and I knew what all that tiny baby would never get to experience. It’s heart wrenching. We have gone on to have our newest addition, our sweet baby boy. He has helped to distract, and my heart is full! But there won’t be a holiday that passes that I don’t think of our missing member. March 16, 2014 would have been his/her due date. Thank you for writing this. It’s so comforting to know you are not alone.

  107. Miriam says:

    I really appreciate your story, I also lost a baby boy but for me it was a little more than a miscarriage. I was 5 month’s pregnant and my baby had a condition in which he did not develope the top of his cranium so his brain was exposed to the amniotic fluid, having this the chances of survival and being a somewhat normal baby are maybe 0 to 3 percent. I had to have a procedure done to remove the baby at 5 month’s, if I ever wanted to have more kids in the future because of the high risk I was in. This was in 2005 now 10 years later with my son who is 6 years omd and 5 month’s pregnant with another baby boy there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of my angel in heaven. Even though I was young it’s still a really shocking thing to go through for my husband and myself, him being 21 and me 16 age doesn’t mean you don’t go through the same pain as other couples who have endured this kind of pain of losing a baby. January 13, 2015 will mark 10 years without my baby boy, and even though I have my son and another boy on the way I still miss him with all my heart. It weighs in my heart every time my son rubs my belly and says he’s going to be a big brother and how he wishes he had a big brother too.

  108. Myleah says:

    I found out 12/10/2014 I was pregnant with my second child. I had issues with my first child due to having very low progesterone and a bicornuate uterus but by the grace of God my daughter came at 8 months healthy and happy. But we weren’t so lucky this time. I went for my second ultrasound a follow up from my first because we found out that this time my progesterone was very low and I had to start medication again. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I started worrying that I would miscarry but after my first ultrasound it kinda put me at piece because there my baby was little heart beat and all but this second ultrasound as soon as I saw the screen my heart dropped and I knew there was something wrong. I found out on 12/30/2014 that my sweet baby had passed. My doctor gave me the option to wait it out and miscarry on my own or have a D&C. I chose to wait it out because in the back of my mind I still hold on to that hope that the doctor was wrong. I still pray to God to change his mind. This story and all the comments have helped me some but I’m still so angry and upset as to why me why my baby.

  109. Michelle Champagne says:

    I also had a miscarriage over 29 years ago. It wasn’t until I read “Heaven is for Real” that I named what I thought was a daughter “Kennedy”. After more thought & years later I said it might of been a boy so I will give it a boys middle name “Kennedy Valentine”. Since then me, my husband & older daughter see hearts everywhere. I talk to her/him all the time. Some people think if only I would have done this or that & you could change many things except “Fate”. I know I will see her/him in Heaven & can’t wait for that heavenly reunion.

  110. Sonya says:

    I was diagnosed with PCOS in Dec. ’99 at age 27. I was put on birth control & was told I’d never have children with out medical intervention. I stopped birth control in May ’13 and found out in Oct. ’13 that I was pregnant & due on June 8, 2014. Knowing the risks due to my age & diabetes I wanted to get to the Dr. ASAP. My husband & I were thrilled when we got the pregnancy confirmation. A week later my OB/GYN saw “debris” on his small ultrasound screen & referred me to get a more in-depth ultrasound. My first appointment just took measurements & said they didn’t see a heartbeat, but not to worry because “it may be too soon.” I went back a week later & they told me there was no heartbeat & everything was shrinking. I went back to my OB/GYN to discuss what course of action was best for me: D&C, natural miscarriage or a vaginal pill. I chose the latter and my pregnancy ended November 10, 2014

    Many nights I’ve cried myself to sleep. When I go to bed, I often talk to my baby (along with other family members/children who have passed on), & tell him/her good night, I love you, etc. Like many others here, I’ll never know if I was having a boy or a girl, what color hair or eyes he/she would have.

    I really thought I’d come to terms with having a miscarriage until Christmas came around. This last Christmas ’14 would’ve been our baby’s 1st Christmas. This was a really hard day to get through, not to mention having to face my sister-in-law who is 7 months pregnant with her rainbow baby. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for her, but sad at the same time. Some days I wonder if this pain will ever go away.

    • Dana says:

      I to have PCOS, I have had 4 pregnancies and 3 are thriving teenagers. It was my second pregnancy that I miscarried. I expelled the baby at home on a Saturday and was instructed on preserving the fetus until Monday when I could visit my ob/gyn and he could have the fetus examined. That was so hard but I had to keep functioning as normal as possible because I had my 18 month old son to take care of also. I regret everyday not asking for my baby back after examination, which no defects were found, so I could properly bury him. It haunts actually. I do have a memory cherub box that contains my ovulation chart, positive pregnancy test, baby breathes from flowers my husband bought me after the miscarriage, and the pamphlets about grieving the loss given to me from my doctor. I sometimes think I should bury that box but at times it brings me comfort to be able to have these tokens to physically touch. This loss was in 1997. I know in my heart that he is with my mother in heaven and it brings me peace knowing she at least has got to hold one of my babies and at the same time I get a little jealous. I don’t dwell on this loss but I never stop wondering about him, loving him, or missing him. After all, our babies know our heartbeat better than anyone, they have been the closest to it. Life on earth does gone on, and we carry their sweet memory with us. My biggest fear is that once I’m gone, he will be forgotten. That is something I still need to figure out how to deal with.

  111. Tori says:

    Thank you for this. So many don’t understand. I just had my eleventh miscarriage at the end of September. It was my thirteenth pregnancy. My daughter and son were my 11th and 12th pregnancies. Nothing prepared me for the raw emotions each and every time. You never “get used to it”.

  112. Carolyn says:

    In the beginning of 2010 my feiance and I found out we were pregnant with our first child together ( I have one from a pervious relationship) we were so happy and excited. Everything was going great at 20 week we foud out we were having a boy, everything was still going great. Then at 32 weeks I started to hve contractions, didn’t think anything of it thought it was braxtonhicks, then next day they got worse so I called the dr. He said go to the ER we found out that my plasenta had detached from my uteren wall and my ambonic fluid had dried up and we lost our son, that was the hardest thing to hear, we had everything ready his room the clothes he was gonna wear home, everything. The next day I gave birth to a still born. We lost him in May we would have been four years old. We have a picture of him in our room. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of what he would be like today, my now husband and I have a 2 year old and he looks just like his older brother. I’m happy we have a child together and his younger brother will know that he had another older brother. But a miscarriage is something u will never get over.

  113. Trisha says:

    Hi! I know how you feel. I miscarried April 2011. That was my 1st and only pregnancy. It has been a rough 4 years watching friends and family getting pregnant & having babies. I haven’t been able to get pregnant since my miscarriage but the doctors claim that all is fine with me. No my husband and I haven’t been to specialist, not sure why but I’m guessing that I fear getting bad news. I have always wanted children and I feel bad for not being able to get pregnant because I know my husband wants children. I fight myself on a daily basis trying to convince myself that I am not the cause of the miscarriage. Not having much support from anyone but my husband has been very hard. I never imagined I would have a miscarriage because not a single person in my entire family had miscarried. I was the 1st and not a soul understands the pain I go thru daily. Time hasn’t healed the pain. I wonder everyday what my child would be like today.

  114. SSW says:

    My husband and I found out on December 23 we had lost our baby. I was 16wks along, because of the size of the baby we were induced. All the work with no prize. Our baby girl was delivered on December 24th. We lost our child. No matter what anyone may think, this is your baby. It is a loss that hurts like no other. There are no right words. People who have not had this experience will not understand! I had no idea how much pain we would be in. I’m trying to find strength in God. I’m trying to remember that he does everything for a reason. Each day it will get easier, but the pain or the memory will never go away.

    We are very fortunate to have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Hopefully someday God will bless her and make her a big sister to more than just our angle baby.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I hope no one ever feels alone again. Remember you are not alone.

  115. Dagney says:

    I really needed to see this.. I had miscarried my baby in October. I found out I was Miscarrying October 3rd which was just two days before my boyfriends and mines anniversary. It was very heart breaking! We had started to change our life style a little to get use to the idea.. It was very unplanned but we were becoming excited. After I was told I was Miscarrying the ER doctor told me I shouldn’t cry about it because I wasn’t that far along. The nurse even said I was young and I had my whole life ahead of me. I was 18 when I miscarried I’m now 19 I was suppose to be pregnant during my birthday. When my birthday came around I thought about it a little. I am still very crushed.. Yes I may be young but I look at all these girls that are in high school that have babies or these girls that don’t have a job have babies. Some have even dropped out of high school. They are just spitting them out left and right.. I graduated and completed the certified nursing assistant program while in high school. I had a job in home health while going to school. After graduating I went to the nursing home full time.. We have a place of our own, a car to get to places and do everything on our own. No help from our parents. And I out of all those girls miscarry my baby.. I was crush I still am. But I’ve learned to try to over look it now.

    • carrie says:

      Dagney…I read your story and am so sad for your loss. First I want to tell you how proud I am for your accomplishments at such a young age. I was also young when I miscarried. It’s been 17 years and I still think about my baby I never got to know. I was engaged to the dad at the time and we had so many hopes and dreams for our little one. Not only was it hard on me to lose our baby, but on him as well. Some people don’t think the dads have a connection to the baby that was lost. But it was really hard on him too. I want to encourage you and your boyfriend to talk about your baby and to not compare yourself with others. Something that helped me grieve was to give our baby a name. I also was given a baby blanket that would have been his/hers. I have to this day. The dad of my lost baby and I never married. Years later I met my husband. He knows about my past, about my baby (who would be the same age as my stepson) and about who the blanket belongs to. We use it. It isn’t in some closet, not seen. It is out in the open. I have 2 children with my husband and they know about their sibling they have yet to meet also. I wish I could give you and your boyfriend a hug and make the pain go away. May you cling to the One who created life itself. It’s not easy. I have hope for you. You are not alone….. Carrie

      • Dagney says:

        Carrie
        It’s not the fact that I have compared myself to them. I’m just really jealous.. I’m told it’s normal but I hate the feeling.. Thanks for all that you said it really helps no matter what people think to talk. Also since my miscarriage I have helped others out that I know have had one. We have talked about how we feel, we check up on each other and more. I am very blessed to have found out that some of my friends had a miscarriage. It’s the best support group of all.
        Dagney

  116. Betsi says:

    I miscarried my first baby. My husband and I were newlyweds, and my pregnancy was a big surprise. I was finishing up college and we were just enjoying life as a young married couple, but I felt attached immediately. I couldn’t wait to see my belly start growing, get a nursery ready and be a mom.

    When we went in to hear our baby’s heartbeat for the first time, and many procedures later, determined it wouldn’t be found, because our precious baby had died. My abdominal pains began 3 days later, and I ended up in the hospital with a D&C on New Year’s Eve in 1997.

    My parents had purchased 2 ornaments for the baby, and we continue to put them on our Christmas tree every year. Every year my 3 children help tell the story of why we put them on the tree. Every year I wonder if I would have had another boy or girl-with gifts under the tree or a place setting at our breakfast table. Every year I cry.

    The pain has begun to fade after many years, but it never leaves. It’s a dull ache of emptiness, of what could have been. Thank you for sharing your post. Others who have experienced this loss need to read and hear our stories.

  117. Valerie says:

    It is very real.. Reading your comments was very overwhelming… I too suffered two losses my first born daughter was born at 25 weeks gestation.. She would have been 12 years old.. All your hopes go with them.. A piece in you that never heals.. Even with other children you wish you had them all together. My second loss was my son he was stillborn and I held him long afterwards begging him to just wake up.. These souls have a way of changing our lives forever and we must never forget them.. I know one day we will all be together and that thought helps me ever year on Sept 6th and May 26 their birthdays… Peace and Love and Healing to all we aren’t alone and share the pain but we have to believe that they know we love them…

  118. Amy says:

    Everything you say is so true. I tried for 6 years to have Another child and it finally happened through ivf in 2010. On Christmas Day 2010 we announced our pregnancy including telling our 7 year old daughter. Christmas night I started spotting and went for an ultrasound the next day and was told baby was fine but I new in my heart he wasn’t ok. 2days later his heartbeat dropped from 117 to 45 and on New Year’s Eve I suffered a horrible painful miscarriage. I think of my baby boy everyday. He would have been named Joshua. In fact he is Joshua to me. He would be 3 years old now and I miss him even though I never met him.

  119. Amy Vd says:

    prayers!!! I know the feeling. Dec 28 2012 I had a miscarriage as well. I think about my unborn baby all the time. Your post is amazing. Thanks for sharing!

  120. Tricia says:

    I’ve had 9 miscarriages. My first one I was just a few weeks pregnant, my baby would be 23. My second John I was 18 weeks and had to have a D&C because my placenta wouldn’t separate. He was tossed in the trash and I never got to say goodbye. He is 21. Then 4 during the 1st or 2nd month – they would be 18, 17, 16 and 15. 2 at 18 weeks (on Christmas 12 years ago.) my other baby would be 13. Gabriel was delivered September 17, 2001. He died on 9/11 and my doctor said my body would induce. But my body started to absorbe my placenta. I woke up the 15th with a fever of 104 and screaming pains. My doctor said to stay at home but walk around until my water broke. My fever and the pain went away. So that evening my husband and a friend went to eat. I needed to use the restroom. And as I was walking in a flood of water just ran out. It is much worse then people say. It’s thick! Any way I screamed and our friend came running in he scooped me up and before I knew it had me outside and was loading me up in our truck. I’m glad I went through labor and delivery. I’m so glad I was able to hold Gaberiel. And kiss him and talk to him and let him know he has brothers and sister waiting to be with him. But no one prepaired me for wat to expect!!!!!! He was 24 weeks. So perfect. But red and purple!!!! He fit in my hand. The stupid hat was like a bath tub for him to sit in. They did nothing about my milk discharge. We were on the floor with families having babies!!!

    The other thing that upsets me now is now our doctors kept telling us at first “you’ll get pregnant, really come on just try, what are you scared of. ” Then I could get pregnant but couldn’t keep them. We saw genetic doctors working on the human genome project. Our DNA should be a perfect match. But it isn’t. I think of my children every day.

  121. Katrina says:

    I needed to read this my fiance and I been trying to conceive and finally it happened everything always happened on the first but in December I waited a little longer because I had menstrual cramps but the hubby had Me take a test their was two pink lines but the happiness was short lived we lost our little Riley was gone at 6 weeks, four days after finding out about him. Our hospital was no help I felt like I was dying

    • sarah says:

      Thank you for posting this, it has really helped me. I felt the same didn’t know who to talk to and what to do. I’ve had 3 miscarriages after my 3 I never wanted to have another child I was so scared to go through it all again knowing that maybe I won’t be able to carry again. And then when I least expected it I was 5 weeks pregnant. I had been to numerous midwives appointment nearly every 2-3 weeks, if something felt wrong I was straight up the doctors/hospital. I was so relieved when I found out I was having a beautiful little girl as I had tests done due to the miscarriages to find out I couldn’t carry boys, my beautiful baby girl was born premature 2 months early. She is 2 years old and I’ve never let her out my sight. But not a day goes by where I don’t think about my other pregnancys The four babies I lost but will alway love dearly. Reading these comments help me knowing that I’m not the only one who feels like this and has been there. They say things happen for a reason but I dint understand is why bless someone with a pregnancy then take it away from them leaving them heart broken x

  122. Paula Gallion says:

    I was ‘young and dumb’ even though I was 23 with my first pregnancy so when I lost the baby at four and a half months and was told I would need to carry the baby until I naturally went into labor I spent the next couple of months rotating doctor appointments between the surgeon and my doctor so they could both keep track of what was going on. I was fortunate enough to have a best friend to mourn with as she lost her first pregnancy at the same time and wasn’t as far long so was able to have a ‘dusting and cleaning’ as we called it and try again. I went into labor in what would have been my seventh month and remember having to sign something regarding disposal and now realize with all the information we have I should have asked more questions and had a proper burial for my child. This has wore heavy on my heart in later years and is why I stated I was young and dumb. I failed to talk about my miscarriage to anyone because, at the time, I thought I was the odd person this type of miscarriage had happened to, but in later years I have ran across several women who had this happen to them too, meaning having a miscarriage and having to carry until you go into labor. We weren’t as open with each other back in the seventies like you are now and I thank you for writing of your experiences so other moms can read and know they are not alone. I was blessed with two daughters and a son, ages 38, 36, 34.

  123. Sue Atkinson says:

    Over a period of 10 years mid60’s to mid 70’s I gave birth to 2 sons and had 4 miscarriages. The feeling of loss is forever with you.

  124. Eva Hinterlach says:

    I am sorry for your loss. I understand. I tried to conceive for 3 years finally was pregnant then at 9 weeks miscarried. I was devastated. I did conceive again 6 months later and gave birth to my 2nd son. We wanted 3 children, so we tried to get pregnant again, I though I was going to micarry again, was able to carry him almost full term, but he was born with a liver disease and lived only 9 days. I tried again 2 years later gave birth to my only daughter only to find out she had the same disease. We lost her at 2 1/2 months. My heart has never truly healed. My boys have grown into wonderful adults and were my saving grace for so long, but the pain of all the losses never really goes away. So many times over the years I would wonder what would they have been like, who would they look like, what kind of people would they have grown to be.

  125. niki says:

    It was wonderful to read this. I have had 1 pregnancy, but I had two babies. While I was in the end of first trimester I miscarried my daughter’s twin. At the time I thought I was Ok. I didn’t know how to react. I was 21 and unmarried. I thought it was a kind of punishment. I had a horrible pregnancy and almost lost the 2nd baby while I was also knocking on death’s door. However, that wasn’t His plan. We both survived, her father and I got married, and I was too afraid to ever have another baby. She’s 11 now and there hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about her twin. Twin years ago in was at a women’s retreat and it was so heavy on my heart. “Why did you take my other baby? Why did it have to go? Was I so bad or sinful You took it from me? I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I was a mess. BUT, through that emotional outpouring He revealed to me more than I ever imagined. He loves me no matter how sinful I am and He didn’t take anything from me, He gave me my blessing. He gave me empathy for others. He gave me respect for life. He gave me the ultimate unconditional, never-ending love. He allowed me to experience something that would only make me grown closer to Him. It was amazing. Since then, we’ve decided to have another child. We’ve discussed it in detail and have our plans laid….but, there’s a hiccup and we now have to wait. I found a lump in each breast and am awaiting the results. Once again, God is reminding me He is in control. It’s His timing, His perfect will, His love that I have to be guided by. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for allowing us to give ourselves permission to grieve, even when we don’t know why. This has truly touched me.

  126. Desiray says:

    I have had two miscarriages. I know the feeling. My first was two years ago this past December. I had my daughter and the seven months later we were expecting, but we lost our baby 12\12\12, at eight weeks. It took almost a year to conceive again. We found out in September 2013, that we were expecting again, but again, at eight weeks we lost our baby 101/13. Two months later I was pregnant again, was so excited to get past eight weeks, was even more excited to leave the first trimester. We went to Florida and I had an appointment with my doctor two weeks after we returned. There was no heartbeat for my baby girl. I delivered her at the hospital two days later on 06\20\14. She had a cord accident and she had been gone for three ,almost four weeks. I had felt her move a lot on the way down south, and then only enough for me to think she was OK after that. I had been feeling phantom kicks. We named her Gabriele Elizabeth. My babies lost prior to her are Angel and Faith. They are very loved and I am still grieving them. I light candles and when I need to, I hold my daughters bear.

  127. Carissa says:

    I feel like I wrote this blog myself. The physical, emotional and spiritual pain of my miscarriages was very difficult for a long time and at moments still are. I didn’t understand why others were so upset after their miscarriage, until I had two miscarriages of my own. My third child came at “26 plus” weeks and was in the NICU for 102 days. I don’t know why things happen sometimes, but part of me feels like God allowed the first two losses to mend relations between my parents and my husband and I; my relationship with my husband, and for me to be thankful for our new little blessing. I too found hope from the book “Heaven Is For Real,” knowing we’ll see our children in heaven again someday. I have a friend who encouraged us to say we are parents (of our “unborn” children), even before we had our baby boy — an interesting thought most people don’t consider.

  128. Carissa says:

    I would also encourage others to be sensitive to women (and men!) who’ve experienced the loss of their child and not say insensitive things. When we were in the emergency room during my first miscarriage, where blood and tissue etc. all came out on my hospital room floor and I was having terribly painful contractions, the female doctor said, “just wait until you actually have to give birth and experience real pain.” She minimized my physical and emotional pain as if I wasn’t really experiencing birth. You would think bedside manor would be way way better than that… I am so sad about what she said. I forgive her… hopefully she will become more compassionate to others in the future.

  129. Carissa Kay says:

    I would also encourage others to be sensitive to women (and men!) who’ve experienced the loss of their child and not say insensitive things. When we were in the emergency room during my first miscarriage, where blood and tissue etc. all came out on my hospital room floor and I was having terribly painful contractions, the female doctor said, “just wait until you actually have to give birth and experience real pain.” She minimized my physical and emotional pain as if I wasn’t really experiencing birth. You would think bedside manor would be way way better than that… I am so sad about what she said. I forgive her… hopefully she will become more compassionate to others in the future.

  130. manda says:

    Thank you for sharing.
    Like many others, I was sure that nobody else really understood what I was going through. After 4 years of trying we were pregnant. At 3 months I was hospitalized because our baby was tubal. 3 months later I miscarried. The following month, I miscarried again. We recently experienced our 4th miscarriage. Nobody knows about the 3rd or the 4th baby. A handful of people know about the 2nd. We would have a 5year old this spring. The pain doesn’t stop.
    For us, one of the hardest loses to accept was the instantaneous loss of hopes and dreams for all our babies. Another hardship has been the lack of support from the people who I thought would support us the most. When my younger sister told me that she was tired of my crying, I quit talking about the first baby. I haven’t talked to her about our loss for almost 5 years. Finding someone to talk to and to pray with has been a blessing. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

    • Carissa Kay says:

      Manda, My heart hurts with you in your pain and tears fill my cheeks. I am so sorry for your losses. Since my miscarriages and the real life birth of our 3rd baby (that we actually get to keep, I am still in awe!) who had many complications including being born 3 months early, I have been looking in to natural ways to support my body for future pregnancies. Although its been hard to hear, I have learned there may be things I could’ve done to prevent those miscarriages. (My purpose here is not to dwell on past hurts but to shed hope on the future for you and me and whoever is reading this). I know we all have different bodies and I respect everyone’s story and their hardships… but what if there’s something we could do different to help our pregnancies be more successful? My grandma shared a book and audio CD with us before my husband and I were married called “Dead Doctors Don’t Lie” by which I have learned much about what we as women can do naturally to help our bodies and babies in pregnancy and otherwise (and I wish I would have cared about this resource before my losses). So, I would encourage those interested to check out what that resource has to say. Also, Mercola.com has provided me a lot of insight for pregnancy etc. As far as emotional support, I have noticed the people that are most supportive are strangers that have been through similar situations. I have heard of two occasions where each woman had multiple miscarriages before the doctors learned that once they were pregnant, they needed to be stitched closed so the baby wouldn’t come out before the due date. Another story I’ve heard about is a woman who had six miscarriages and then her seventh pregnancy was successful. I don’t know why things happen the way they do. Here’s a link to provide some information on some of the things I’ve learned about miscarriage recently (and maybe some ways to prevent it) http://search.mercola.com/results.aspx?q=miscarriage .

  131. Shannon says:

    Loved reading this….I have had 3 miscarriages, one being a second trimester. I also have 3 living children all girls.
    Not only bible verses but a song has helped me…a couple of them…
    ‘I will carry you’ by Selah
    ‘Small Bump’ by ed Sheehan

  132. Ashli says:

    I am going through a miscarriage right now. I was 12 weeks pregnant and I started bleeding. I went to the ER and they did a sonogram. Our sweet baby only measured 7 weeks and 4 days. There was no heartbeat and our baby was just gone. My best girl friend was with me and when I got back to my room I just sobbed. The dr came right in and he told me that it was such a shitty thing to happen and he was very sorry. When I got home my husband was with our son and we just all cried together. We told our son that the baby had died and was in heaven. He was so sad. The next night I had trouble sleeping and cried for about three hours. I read a lot about miscarriages and about grieving. I went in Monday for what was supposed to be my 12 week appt and talked to my midwife. She was able to arrange for me to go in Tuesday and have a D&C. I wanted the baby out. I couldn’t handle having in me. It has been really hard but reading things like this helps. Talking to others who have been through it too helps. Thank you for writing this. I know my baby is in heaven and instead of me holding it, Jesus is.

  133. You are not alone. says:

    Thank you for posting your honesty…we need more women like you to come forward. My husband and I have lost 4 babies in the past 18 months. We have no children, and continue to pay for testing with specialists to maybe find some answers and solutions. One loss was last year on Christmas Day at 12 weeks pregnant. Full delivery, contractions on the floor, in my in-laws bathroom while family was upstairs singing about baby Jesus and opening gifts. I don’t know why, but reading that someone else has gone through this absolute hell makes it a little less isolating. I’m so sorry for your losses. Hugs to you and your family for peace and healing. Again, thanks for posting and bringing awareness.

  134. Liz says:

    I’ve had 10 pregnancies, 1 beautiful living daughter, my miracle child. When you’re told at age 18 that you’ll never carry a baby past 4 mos, you pretty much have to get into the mindset of ‘I don’t want kids’, at least that’s what I did. I lost my 1st a month after I turned 17, I was 13 wks. The ‘boyfriend’ got scared people would find out, so he beat me up to induce a miscarriage. At the hospital they gave me some birth control pills, inserted something to dilate me & sent me home. Keeping this secret was agonizing, as was the pain! Two days later, at 3am in the bathroom, the baby was on my maxi pad. The worst memory I’ll ever have is wrapping up the pad, putting it in a paper bag & hiding it in the trash..I was so frightened I couldn’t even bury him. That was the worst experience, but God knows best. I was so naive, then, and I began the Pill the next day, like the instructions said, it was Sunday. I was literally hemorrhaging for 6 wks! When I went to the hospital for a follow-up, the dr was horrified. I changed after that. I was not going to be a weak, naive victim anymore. The 2nd was an ectopic 2 yrs later & the other 7 were all within the first few weeks. The last 7 are a blur. I think because I was in a marriage I didn’t want to be in. When I got pregnant with my daughter [Not with my ex,] it was planned carefully, I was high risk & sick the whole time, but I prayed hard for her! She’s 22 now & gorgeous-I’m 50 & holding my own, lol! 🙂
    I have suffered with major depression & PTSD for decades.. I believe the disconnect from those last 7 & the trauma from the first 2 are probably at the root of my depression issues. I never really put it together until now. Thank You for this. My sympathies to those who have lost babies recently. Peace, Love, Prayers.

  135. Angelica says:

    It has been 12 years since my miscarriage. I was going on my fourth month of pregnancy and noticed that I was losing weight, never had a hint of morning sickness, and even started lactaiding. I talked to people in my family about it and got told that everyone is different and not to stress out. That’s easy for someone to say that isn’t dealing with the situation. Along with a mother who loves to cause problems for me and everyone. A week after noticing the weight loss and etc. I started spotting so my grandmother took me to the ER and they did a sonogram and the Dr. Told me to rest and everything would be fine two weeks after the ER visit I miscarried my baby. I was very young at that time and probably had no business trying to be a mom but I was preparing for the role and couldn’t wait to meet my baby. I’ve had years of healing and also had other children and got to see their personalities but my first baby will never be forgotten.

  136. Noilani Quinney says:

    Feb. 9th 1997. My last and final pregnancy. It did not end well. The miscarriage changed my life and I chose not to put myself through that kind of loss and pain again. Every year that goes by does not really change the complete horror of that day. I take comfort in the hope that God will make it right as only he can and one day I will get the opportunity to hug, kiss and fiercly love my ghost child. THANK YOU FOR OPENING UP A CHANNEL FOR ME TO SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN. It is healing.

  137. Danica says:

    I’ve had one miscarriage and I felt and experienced all of the emotions mentioned. I never talked about it with others much because I didn’t believe they were capable of understanding or capable of being sympathetic in the way I needed them to be in my time of grief. It’s a loss like no other and the feelings can’t be explained. I can’t explain my feelings to this day! Yes, it still pains me today (October 2013) but at the same time I’ve found peace.

  138. Kodi A says:

    That first paragraph is what I try to explain to people who don’t understand. Since having my daughter, I have so many more questions about the 2 babies I lost. I want to kiss their sweet cheeks and see their sweet smiles too. I listen to Selah’s “I Will Carry You” on the “due dates” of my babies. The cry I have is always relieving and peaceful.

  139. KES says:

    The loss of a potential life is beyond devastating. It will be 13 years on March 26th. I remember the date as well as I remember my family’s birthdays. My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for over 2 years. I was getting ready to begin all of the fertility testing on me. My husband had already been checked(that was the easy part). We were taking Temps and doing graphs,keeping up with calendars. So we knew that I was pregnant very quickly. Oh my, the joy and wonder that comes with starting a life.
    Within 10 days of the confirmation of our pregnancy I began to spot and cramp. It changed to heavy bleeding and the dream of this baby was over in a few hours. I didn’t even see my OB, just a nurse practioner in his office. She proceeded to tell me it was God’s will. That having children of my own was probably not going to happen. She also went on to say that this loss was most likely one in a long series. She is a big proponent of Adoption. Being adopted myself, I am well aware of the blessings of being raised in a loving home with parents that consciously choose parenthood through alternative options due to infertility. I wasn’t ready to hear this. I was shocked that before I’ve even finished losing the baby we desperately wanted, the first thing she says is “so sorry, some people just aren’t meant to have children of their own”.
    I spiraled into depression, insomnia and anxiety attacks. I was a shell. No happiness. Obsessed with possible catastrophic events. I developed OCD regarding our house burning down or that my beloved “baby” Pekingese would escape and be killed. I would go back home 2 or 3 times in the morning to check the door. I called during the day to make sure the answering machine picked up (meaning that the house was still there). This continued for almost 3 months. My primary doctor was concerned and prescribed meds to help control the symptoms and told me that I needed to take a mental health break. I went on a vacation for my birthday. I felt crappy. I looked broken. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t slept through the night in more than a month. After a week at the beach, I came home went back to work. Since I worked for my doctor at the time, he commented that I still looked like crap. On top of that my normally very regular period hadn’t started. He decided for giggles to run a pregnancy test. We really thought it was late because of the depression. That’s how we found out that I would be a mommy the old fashioned way.
    It would prove to be a very difficult and odd pregnacy, but our baby girl will be 12 soon. Her brother will be 9. The irony is that sometimes it takes a successful pregnancy to cure infertility. It also taught me that as health care professionals discuss patient’s options and what to expect after a miscarriage, It should be done with compassion and understanding not pessimism and negativity. I still mourn the loss of our first baby. I feel grateful for every minute I get with the 2 babies I was told I probably wouldn’t have. I believe there is no greater joy than starting a new life and bringing it into the world. Conversely, there is no greater heartbreak than having that life end before it could really begin. Thank you for sharing your story. You expessed the feelings I’ve carried with me for 13 years.

  140. Kat says:

    Thank you for posting this. There are so many women out there right now crying over their own person loss. The subject has been taboo for way to long. It’s time to talk about it openly. Those with loss need to talk about it. I had four devastating miscarriages. Each one different, and each one handled differently by me. The one thing I learned was to talk about it with someone who has been through it. It gave me a sense of peace and reassurance that I was not alone. Also, don’t blame yourself. Sometimes there is a reason, sometimes there is no explanation. My fourth miscarriage happened at 16 weeks…a nice strong heartbeat, then a week later no heartbeat. I already had two boys and was hoping for a little girl…it was all I could talk about. When that little one died, I found out it was a boy. I was heartbroken and thought that God had punished me for only wanting little girl and so he took him from me. So silly, I know. But I was out of my mind with grief…a deep depression followed for five months until I found out I was pregnant again the week my lost baby was due. And guess what? It was a boy! I was over the moon. He is such a blessing. I felt like the lost little boy was brought back to me and I have the most magical bond with him. I still cry over my lost babies now and again…it still hurts. I am now done having babies. My three boys are my joy and my life… And I believe that my lost angel babies made me a better Mom and I wouldn’t have had my boys here on earth without them.

  141. Jacqui says:

    Thanks for posting your experience, it makes me so frustrated that most people don’t find it acceptable, or are uncomfortable talking about miscarriages. I have just gone through a miscarriage in the past few days, my little miracle, after losing my little boy Levi at 12 weeks pregnant last year. I had a feeling from the start that things weren’t right as I had no morning sickness, but the doctors still gave me hope, until I started bleeding. At 40 years old, I’m so scared that I’m out of time, but I keep seeing images of a little girl so I haven’t lost hope yet.

  142. Laura says:

    To start, we have lots in common! I too have had four pregnancies. My first two were healthy boys. My third pregnancy was also going beautifully until one morning I woke up with back ache, cramping and leaking fluid 🙁 Went to see my Dr and she did an ultrasound. There was our 13 week baby, happy and healthy, moving around. I was so relieved. Then my Dr told me she was admitting me for monitoring and to start meds to stop my contractions. I thought nothing was a miss. That evening, my contractions and back ache stopped. The next morning we had another ultrasound and there on the monitor was our baby… completely still. I didn’t understand what was happening. My husband and I were completely devastated. I was then induced into labor and delivered my baby. I held him or her for about hour and then the nurse took our baby away. I feel guilty that we didn’t properly bury our baby. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind at the time to think clearly. That day was Oct 6th, 2013. 5 weeks later I was still bleeding and went back to my Dr. I had pieces of placenta left behind and had to undergo a D & C. The whole ordeal was the darkest of times for me. The loss feels like a black hole. I think about our baby everyday. While the pain has lessened and my heart continues to heal, I will never forget. I find comfort in knowing I will hold my baby again in heaven. On New Years Day 2014 we learned we were expecting again. I didn’t feel ready! I didn’t want a different baby, I wanted the baby we had lost. At our first US, we got the surprise of our lives, identical twins!! I felt incredibly blessed and terrified! Terrified because we now knew my miscarriage was due to IC, incompetent cervix. Without early intervention I would lose both these babies too. I made a huge decision to have a highly specialized surgery done. It was successful and in Aug 2014 we welcomed two more healthy boys to our family! One of our twins is named Beau, like your son 🙂 We feel blessed with our four boys and will always remember our fifth child who was taken to heaven. Thanks to you and everyone who shared their story.

  143. ellie says:

    Thank you for sharing and saying exactly the words I needed to hear. I have two healthy little boys, and six miscarriages. Two of which, I was around 10 weeks when I had the ultrasound that let me know my baby had passed away. My most recent miscarriage was in August at ten weeks and happened on my husband’s birthday. I’m over the crying everyday stage but still burdened with the what ifs. It also doesn’t help that three of my sisters/in-laws are still pregnant and they all share what would have been my due month(This March). I feel guilty sometimes for grieving the loss when I have two beautiful boys who make my life amazing! But the mother in me can’t help but to see the lost happiness that another baby would’ve added to our family. I dread the due date coming up when I will be surrounded by everyone else who will give birth to healthy babies and I trying to hold back my pain, and feel joy for my sisters. It is comforting to feel like I’m not alone in my situation. I feel like I’ve labeled myself as the mom who miscarries. God has a reason for everything. Hoping he will bless me with understanding and calm peace. Thanks again for sharing.

  144. Maria says:

    I too know how you ladies feel as ive lost 4 babies, 3 of them in the 2nd trimester.. one at 19 wks one At 21 wks and our last at 22 wks. We lost one at 9wks. We knew the sex of 2 of them a boy who came May 23 2013 an a girl who came August 2 2014. We miss our angels so very much ♥

  145. Tara says:

    I just wanted to thank you for this. I miscarried a twin 11 years ago. I have felt like I didn’t have a right to grieve because I still had a healthy baby to love, kiss, and hold. But my heart still aches for my baby girl. The strangest thing is that my daughter grieves her sister. From the time she was able to speak she would ask for her sister. I have no idea how she would know, we didn’t tell her. I do believe it’s a God thing. A loss is a loss and hurts no matter what.

  146. Amy says:

    Thank you for sharing. I had a miscarriage a few months ago and the one that really rings true is that you never stop thinking about your baby.

    But at the same time, others might forget. For me, losing my baby is as heart-wrenching as it was those few months ago. But for others, the world has gone on. The Earth will not stop spinning for me or my husband or my baby, and others do not know how difficult this Christmas was for me, or how scared I am of being pregnant again.

  147. Barbara says:

    I am sorry for your loss. The bible versus’ that you shared are excellent. I have had 6 pregnancies – 2 miscarriages, 1 daughter born dead at 22 weeks, and a son who was a full-term stillbirth. My last 2 pregnancies are the best. My son was born with the cord double wrapped around his neck and not breathing. He will celebrate his 27th birthday in 2015. My daughter was born as normal as can be. She will celebrate her 25th birthday in 2015. I have the best of both worlds. I know that I have children who are waiting on me to get to heaven so I can snuggle with them like I did their siblings. And I have 2 wonderful children on this earth to love. I am blessed! Hope you can find comfort and peace.

  148. Vicki says:

    Your testimony & bravery in telling your story is a healing for you. I’m 65 & still recall the Christmas Day I went to the hospital & miscarried after lying in bed for a month. This was before sonograms, but I assure you I wondered all the things you mentioned. Our children eventually included two boys & one girl, plus we have raised a now 23 yr. old grandson.
    As a teenager God gave me my life verse, Romans 8:28, and now as a Pastors wife, He has continued proving that scripture, His Word, always to be truth. Before the movie, Heaven is For Real, I have firmly believed that when we reach heaven, our precious miscarried children will be there to greet us, along with loved ones who have gone before us. No sorrows, no tears, just a happy, blessed reunion.
    I believe women sharing personal things in confidence is healing . So much that women have experienced was kept silent far too long & it’s part of my ministry to help them. More often than not, they have carried guilt & sorrow, without release & understanding of God’s love & plan for their lives.
    Thank for going public & giving others a forum to open up, perhaps for the first time. God bless you!

  149. Olivia says:

    I want to give you a hug right now! Im so sorry for your loss Ive had several myself and it never gets easier. You truly never go a day without waking up and thinking about your child. Its hard to comes to terms with the fact that while everyone else s babies are learning to walk yours are learning to fly. Your post is everything Ive ever thought written in one place and I love it! Thank you for having the courage to post this. <3

  150. Jennifer says:

    I feel for all of you. I have had one pregnancy and have a beautiful 8 year old. I was 30 when i finally conceived. I have polycystic ovary syndrome which causes me not to ovulate a lot of the time. I can go an entire year without a period. I was jusy wondering if maybe some of women having difficulty conceiving might have the same syndrome. Some symptoms are unwanted hair growth, weight gain and difficult weight loss, and,b of course, missed periods. In my case, birth control helped to regulate my cycle so i was finally able to conceive. I have never actually commented on an article before, but i had to, and i hope maybe this can help some of you who want to try to conceive again.

  151. Barbara says:

    I also had a miscarriage with twins, my son survived, he’s 42 years now, didn’t even know the sex of the one I lost, 3 and a half years later I deliver a healthy set of twin boys, then a few years later I became pregnant again only to miscarry at 3 months along, still a couple more years went by and I became pregnant again, that was my only little girl, she’s now 29 years old. But I still think, wonder and grieve for the two I never got to know. I do believe one day I will know who they are and that they are mine. As for now the grieving continues. I pray for it to get easier for for.

  152. Becky says:

    Miscarriage is so tough. I’ve had 4 and I have 4 full term kids. Each pregnancy has been different and I believe each of my kids are different as well. My miscarriages were all in the first trimester but I felt God led me to the gender of each one and I’ve named them all. These two songs have helped me the most and I remember my blessings in heaven when I sing along. “Blessings” by Laura Story and “How He Loves” by John Mark McMillan. It really helps me to remember that God has a plan and he loves me and my babies so much more than I can imagine. I hadn’t thought about the post pardem depression but I think it was as bad if not worse for me after a miscarriage than after a live birth. Thank you for being willing to put yourself out so others have a chance to heal as well.

  153. Camilla says:

    Thanks so much for writing this article. Our very first ultrasound was your third. I also was unprepared for the pain of miscarrying an 11 week baby. Im so grateful for my two children now. Both pregnancies were full of absolute fear every ultrasound. I hope people are able to be more open so people know where to turn because I didn’t. I am also grateful to understand in order to help others, though every ones loss is deeply personal. Thanks again.

  154. Amy Daws says:

    What true true words written here! I love connecting with other angel baby mom’s out there. That is also why I wrote my book, Chasing Hope about my journey through losing five precious babies….because that is what they are…babies! Thank you for sharing!

  155. Jo Anne says:

    I had a miscarriage on September 23, 2011. My husband and I tried for this little one for 7 years. I remember the shock of finding out we were expecting. We went for our first ultrasound at 12 weeks. The nurse kept asking if we were sure we were that far along. When the doctor came in, he searched for a heartbeat for what seemed like forever. I remember those words as clear as day. He turned off the screen and said, “I’m sorry. There is no heartbeat.” I let out a screech that was not like any other and sobbed. My husband cried too. After my D & C, we found out “Kyle” had a chromosome defect that 1 percent of babies have. I still wonder who he would have looked like. What would his personality be like? I wonder…….

    On December 24, 2011, just 3 months later, we found out we were expecting again. I never thought it (meaning miscarriage) could happen again. I’m a teacher. It was a normal day. We had a meeting after school. During that meeting, I had stomach pains that made me feel like I was going to pass out. I went to the restroom to find I was bleeding. I called my husband. We went to the ER where we waited. 6 hours later, I was in surgery. Yet again, I was losing another baby. This time it was an etopic pregnancy that had ruptured. Once again, the grief. I can’t explain the heartache. It still fresh years later. I still cry for my angels. I ask passed loved ones to hug them and tell them I love them.

    The doctors told us we wouldn’t have a baby. My husband and I stopped trying. On Easter, 2012, months after they said I would never get pregnant, I was again. From week 4 through 38, I had ultrasounds and dr. appointments 3 times a week. On 12/12/12, my precious daughter arrived.

    I still miss my angels but have gained faith that God needed me to wait for my sweet daughter. I have a figure in a mom with 2 baby angels in my nightstand. I look at it daily and still cry. They are my babies I will see again when the time comes. Until then, I love you my sweet babies. I’ll see you soon!

  156. Vanessa says:

    I lost my baby last year on Easter Sunday. I was 2 months along and had just found out I was pregnant a few days before. That was the most terrible feeling I had ever experienced. I felt like it was my fault, like I could have prevented it. I just wish things had turned out differently. If I hadn’t miscarried I would be hold ing my precious baby now. I can’t help but feel an ache in my heart knowing that she would have just been born in the last few weeks. I just want to hold her. So bad. I’m so glad I found this page because reading all of the comments have helped me feel better. Thank you for all I the hope the hardest part was it being Mother’s Day so soon after that and no one knew my pain except my husband and how much I struggle daily. Once again thank you.

  157. Misty H says:

    I’ve only been married a year and I’m not yet to the point of having kids of my own but I know that my mom had a miscarriage after the first the kids. I’m the oldest and I was only about 6 at the time. There’s a 2 year gap between the older 3 and then a 4 year gap before the next youngest after that (there are 5 of us total). I didn’t understand why it took my mom so long to try again. I never saw her pain, only her joy and her hope from knowing she would get to see that child and raise her lost baby after death. I look forward to the day I get to meet the brother or sister I never knew.

    *I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and we believe that FAMILY’S CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER when they are sealed in the holy temple by the proper priesthood authority. I know that because my parents were sealed together, my whole family, including my unborn sibling, will one day be together again after death as long as we live righteously while on this earth so we will be worthy of those eternal blessings.

  158. Stacy says:

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I was told right before this Christmas that there was not one but two babies I was carrying, them the nurse went to get the doctor. When he came back he announced the news of twins and did another ultra sound, the babies hearts stopped beating and that day so did mine 🙁 I can not explain the hurt of not just loosing one but two. When I went to misscarrie they didn’t want to come out! So I had to have them do an emergency D&C because I was loosing to much blood. The emotional stress has worn me down and Christmas was hard to bare but I did it and cry in silence. I hate that this has happened to me, I want my babies back! I still love my Heavenly Father and am thankful for all that he has given me the good and the bad.

  159. Katie says:

    My loss was 30 years ago. The pain never goes away. I can still tell you when his birthday was and the day he was taking from me. I now have two wonderful men in my life that I would not have if I would have gave birth to him. Without that I would have never know the two I have now. Yes if I had gave birth to him I would not have even known about the other two. But I would give an angel back to have my walking angels everyday. Maybe that is what helped me through the years. The pain never goes away but it does get better! I promise you.

  160. Lenay says:

    I appreciated reading your post and I’m glad that more and more women feel that they can share their experiences with miscarriage. My first child was an easy pregnancy, fairly easy birth, and an easy sweet baby! I think God knew I needed that to get me through the rest. I had three miscarriages in a row after my son. Each one of my losses were different emotionally and physically. My first landed me in the ER and it was terrifying. It was a nightmare. My second slipped away so quick and without hardly any blood or pain I was shocked and it didn’t seem real. The third I needed a D&C because I was further along. I still bled and cramped afterwards. I prayed and my husband has been a solid help to me, but I often still felt SO alone. There was no one to tell me what to expect. I didn’t tell anyone but family so we suffered in silence most of the time. Going out and seeing happy pregnant women and healthy babies was extremely hard. It was a real battle to be happy for those blessed mothers. Eventually time passes and you heal. I was finally able to have another child. He did not replace those other three spirits but I know he helped heal my heart. I am expecting again and will find out the baby’s sex in a week. Pregnancy is not the same happy and beautiful experience I had with my first son. I admit I give in to fear a great deal in the first trimesters especially. I try to keep faith that it is God’s will and I do find strength in that because I know that He knows my heart. My second son helped heal my heart just enough that I was willing to try again.

  161. Amy newbold says:

    i stumbled across your post after a friend shared it..wow..this takes me back!! I had my miscarriage 20 years ago this July. On July 4, 1995 instead of celebrating with family an friends I was in the hospital..emotionally dieing!!!
    As the years go by..it does get easier I guess..but everyday I always wonder those same questions. Was is a boy/girl?? Color of eyes/hair?? When I get to Heaven will I recognize him/her?? Those questions break my heart to this day. I think this is something I will never get over!! I’ve had two beautiful boys since then..they are 17 and 18 now..and I’ve always wondered what our lives would have been like with the three children instead of just two?? I miss my baby..and still after 20 years long for my baby!!
    I also watched Is Heaven Real..made me cry like a baby in the part where he talks to his mom about his other sister..it gives me hope that my baby is also in Heaven..waiting on me!!

  162. Liz says:

    Thank you for all your comments. I also didn’t know how difficult this would be until I had a miscarriage. Our pregnancy was a suprise in the sense that we knew we wanted to have another baby, just not this soon. We are a blended family — his mine and ours. Our children are 15, 14, 12, 10, and 1. (The ours is our beautiful baby girl who just turned one.) Our 4 older children LOVE their baby sister and were thrilled to get to have another sibling. My husband and I had a very spiritual experience conceiving our baby and were very excited to welcome him to our family. I have ovarian cysts that come and go and when I was pregnant with my daughter, I ended up getting an ultrasound at 8 weeks because I had a cyst rupture and my doc was worried it was ectopic — which it wasn’t, so when I started having pains this time around, I dismissed them as another ruptured cyst. That’s when the bleeding started. Now I was terrified. But I got my morning sickness right on schedule at 9 weeks and after talking to my doc, decided that things were fine. The Sunday after Thanksgiving, I woke up and felt just fine. My energy levels were high and I wasn’t nauseated at all. I asked my husband to take me to the hospital, but I already knew I had miscarried. It took a week to determine that my blood levels had decreased due to a stupid insurance issue — my doc takes my two insurances but the lab he uses only takes one of them so they sent the work out of state to save me money. They were just trying to be helpful *sigh. We met with my sweet doc and he assured me it was nothing I did and since I had three healthy pregnancies, it didn’t increase our chances of having another when we conceived again. The day before my scheduled dnc, I actively miscarried. I was showering with my baby girl and the clots started coming in handfist sized clumps. I called for my husband who whisked my baby girl to my brother-in-law, then he came back to me. I had crumpled in the shower sobbing. I felt so much guilt for not being more happy about this pregnancy, for not being more careful at the products I used or how I was taking care of my body. My husband held me while I sobbed and then cleaned up the shower. We still did the dnc — my doc said after it was a good thing because there was still quite a bit left although I was sure I was going to bleed to death at the amount of blood coming from my body. I was so grateful to have that afternoon to grieve with my husband — my dnc was so sterile, so unemotional. But that day before was a gift. I couldn’t have done it without my sweet partner by my side to hold me and console me. My husband and his ex-wife lost their son at 30 weeks — he lived for 2 days before he died. This experience has been very hard for him — not as difficult as his first son, but certainly painful. He has struggled with depression this month, but he is trying to get back on track. We felt differently than most of the comments I’ve read. We still feel our son is coming — that somehow his little body wasn’t doing what it was supposed to and God stepped in to change it. I feel his presence often and my husband and I are eager to try again. But I will never again dismiss a first trimester miscarriage as “just” a miscarriage. We feel hope through Jesus Christ, but loss is still loss. As my husband reminded me, just because we are sad, doesn’t mean we don’t have faith. It means we cared.

  163. Mallory says:

    Thank you for sharing your story! I can totally relate. I didn’t have a miscarriage, but I did have a stillborn little girl. She would be 11 this coming April. It was definitely hard to talk about and really hard to deal with. I went to counseling for a while because everyone was afraid of me committing suicide from depression and all I could keep saying was that I wanted to be with her! My counselor told me the way I felt was completely normal since I had empty arms. Granted, I pulled through my depression with lots of support from my family and friends. The pain never goes away. I got pregnant the following year with another little girl who will be 10 this year and every day I wish her sister was here with her to grow up with her and play with her but like my daughter always tells me, her sissy is here with her is spirit. We visit my first daughter’s gravesite quite often but it still hurts, even after all these years. We also celebrate her birthday every year by either going out for a nice dinner or making a nice dinner at home, then we have a cake, sing happy birthday and my 2nd daughter will blow out the candle and make a wish for her sister. These little things help us to get through our heartbreak.

  164. LaTrisha says:

    I will never say I know how you feel because I don’t..but I do know how it feels to have that loss! May well be 9 years since I lost my baby girls twin sister.. They were are rare pregnancy.. Desiree was in her own sack inside Destinys sack. I never aborted the baby like normal miscarriages since she was in that other sack. So I carried and delivered a healthy baby girl “Destiny” .. the doctor showed my husband Desiree and he said all her nerve endings were still visible. My older brother and his wife had twins 2 years ago and it was heart breaking to see them and think about my baby and to see them interact with each other always makes me wonder how my girls would be together and how she would of been! 🙁

  165. Tiffany Livingston says:

    This is all so true. Mine was not technically a miscarriage but a tubal pregnancy that ended in surgery from rupturing my tube and it having to be removed. It was our first pregnancy in 10 years. We thought we wouldn’t be able to have another child. Then after loosing our miracle baby and my tube they told us our chances of conceiving again were almost non existent. 4 months after surgery we were pregnant again. We now have two more little ones. We have always said the our angel baby sacrificed itself for its brother and sister’s safe arrival. There is not a that goes by that I do not still feel the heartache and pain from loosing our angel baby.

  166. Chuck says:

    My wife and I just miscarried our first a week before Christmas this year. Everything on here is right! Thanks to this I now know what may be going on inside my wife’s mind and heart. Thank you for this post.

  167. Amber says:

    This just broke me down. I’m only 23, but I am happily married with a God fearing man. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year now. A month and a half ago I found out I was pregnant, the next day after I found out I started bleeding extremely heavily. I went to the ER and they did a pregnancy test and blood work and at the time I was still pregnant but still bleeding. I went to my OB a few days later and they took a pregnancy test again and it said that I was no longer pregnant. It has been a hard road but I know God has a reason for everything and I just need to keep my head up. At least I know that I can conceive because for the longest time I didn’t think I could. Thank you for sharing your story. Miscarrying is not easy.

  168. Elaine says:

    I had a miscarriage in 1965 and I often think of my baby. I know when I get to heaven, he or she will be there. I am looking forward to that. I don´t think mothers ever get over that loss, but God graciously gives us the strength to bear it and go on.

  169. Emily says:

    After 3 miscarriages, each adding a piece to the mystery of different ‘health conditions’ I learned I have antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. It makes it impossible to carry a baby to term without meds. Apparently it should be possible with blood thinning shots, but we have not conceived since the last mc. Sometimes these things don’t just happen. There is something wrong. I am hopeful we will some day carry to term knowing this information, but I still feel broken. I highly recommend getting tested for that and MTHFR if you’ve had recurrent mc. They are treatable in some cases.

  170. Dizzi says:

    About 14 years ago, I had my first pregnancy, which I miscarried 2 and a half months into. It was really difficult and I blamed myself for a long time. When I was pregnant for the 3rd time (after a beautiful, healthy little girl) a free I end of mine helped me to realize the miscarriage wasn’t my fault. That third pregnancy gave me a wonderful boy, and 3 years later, I had another boy. I am grateful to have my 3 beautiful children. Not a day goes by, even all these years later, I don’t wonder. Then, in September, my sister delivered a baby girl the day after we found out the baby had passed. She was 38 weeks along. She is a beautiful baby girl, and no results were ever found as to why she passed. Its hard to try to tell my sister that i understand how she feels due to my loss. Some people think the earlier in pregnancy a miscarriage is, the easier it is to get over, but ive never gotten over it, i have just been able to move on. Going through this with my sister reopened a would I thought had mostly healed. I hope one day, we can talk and cry together over both our losses.

  171. gaynor says:

    Since reading your post brings back my memories of the 2 babies I lost. I was 8 weeks with both . The pain never fades but what hurt the most was when I was told you’ve got a daughter you should be grateful. But since having breast cancer my chances now have gone. But yes I am grateful for my daughter but I would have loved to have had the chance of being a mum to 3 children I wonder if they were boys girls or one of each. But unfortunately I will never know xxxx

  172. Ann Marie says:

    24 years ago I excitedly called my parents, from where I was living in Germany with my first husband, to tell them that I was going to have a baby. I was due Christmas Day 1991. 9 1/2 weeks later, I sadly called them to tell them that I had miscarried! I was devastated and completely alone because I was in Germany with no family around and since my husband was in the military and out in the field when I miscarried – I had to deal with that alone. Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant! I was shocked and couldn’t figure out how two weeks after having a “complete” miscarriage I could be pregnant (again). Come to find out that my oldest daughter (who will be 23 in February 2015) was most likely a twin. Since my first husband was adopted – we had no idea what his biological parents medical history was.
    Jump to about 3 years after my daughter was born and a divorce, I had another miscarriage. My oldest daughter and oldest son are 4 1/2 years apart.
    Jump to two years later . . . . . yet another miscarriage! By this time I had been referred to me most awesome high risk ob/gyn! He knew my history with miscarriages and after the third one, I was mostly numb! The next child I had after the third miscarriage was due February 2000 and because of a condition known as IUGR (Intro-Uterus Growth Retardation) she was born December 31, 1999 weighing only 3lbs. 12oz.
    That daughter just turned 15!
    Enter in another divorce and me getting remarried. My current husband and I wanted to have a baby together so that his three girls and my three children would feel connected and have a common sibling . . . . .
    After years of trying and TWO more miscarriages and fertility drugs – we were blessed with our son who just turned 8!
    Every time I got pregnant, we didn’t tell anyone until I was so far along that we were positive we wouldn’t lose that baby (usually the end of the second trimester or beginning of the third).
    As the oldest of 9 children, I am the ONLY one in my family who has had ANY miscarriages. My mom, sisters and sisters-in-law have not had any! The only relative who has had any miscarriages was my grandmother (my mother’s mother) and she had three.
    I know exactly what you are saying and it always irritated me when people would say – “It’s just a miscarriage, quit feeling sorry for yourself and move on!”

  173. Kelley says:

    I lost my first baby on June 1st 2009. Devastating isn’t a strong enough word to describe the loss and emptiness that you feel. No matter what we all go through the “what if’s” what if I’d ate better, what if I had more rest, what if I’d cut out all caffeine completely. It consumes your soul. I’d prayed to have a baby since I was a child myself. I couldn’t wait for the day I would have a little one calling me mommy. The day had finally arrived, excited beyond measure, we went for an untrasound at 9 weeks and it had stopped growing, my doctor (who is a wonderful woman) immediately came in and reassured me I had done nothing wrong, that this happens a lot, which still took the breath from my lungs like I’d been knocked flat on my back. I was angry with my husband, I was angry at my doctor, I was angry at God for allowing me to feel for just a bit that my dream was coming true, and I was angry with myself…… obviously I HAD done something terribly wrong. I felt like less of a person, and a failure as a mother before I even had the chance to be a mother. My doctor had asked if I would try and let it happen naturally, I decided that I would. Everyday for 3 weeks I woke up wondering if this would be the day my child would leave my body, and I really would be without my baby I so badly wanted. That was very hard. Mid morning of June 1st I started bleeding. I had been told that it would be like a heavier period, and that some women have had miscarriages and didn’t even know at first. This was NOT my reality! It was so heavy and gushing that all I could do was get into the bathtub, I called my husband and he rushed to my doctor to pick up something for

  174. Kelley says:

    pain, that I would feel what labor was like. I’d warned him before he got home, but he was in no way prepared for what he would see. He was tremendous, he took such good care of me, kept towels washed, held me as I was hung over a trash can dry heaving, and crying. It was and has been the most horrible day of my life. To go through the nauseating pain of labor but get nothing out of it in the end is crippling! CHRISTmas Day of 2009 I became pregnant a second time, I was terrified and did not enjoy being pregnant until the first time I could feel my baby girl move. September 13, 2010 we welcomed out little girl, I instantly fell in love with her, but at the same time felt so very guilty. My first child that I lost I think of often. I did read Heaven Is For Real, several weeks after reading it, for some reason, I had a slight meltdown. Because I’d heard some people refer to a very early miscarriage as it wasn’t really even a baby. After reading that book, I KNEW different. I even wrote to Billy Graham ministries and asked if I was truly the mother of 2! I got a response and was told ABSOLUTELY! So from then on I felt more at ease with the fact that when I leave this world one day, I have a child I will get to meet and hold. All the more reason to have faith that for everything there is a reason and a timing for the best of us all. GOD BLESS YOU!!!

  175. Sarah says:

    The Bible verse that comforted me during my miscarriage in November was Isaiah 55:9: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Thank you for writing this. It’s comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one to experience these feelings.

  176. Jen says:

    My heart goes out to you n everyone that has ever lost a child. I lost a son in 2000. I was 39 weeks n thought my water had started to break so I called the doctor n they told me to come right in. When I did the doctor checked me n said yes n sent me right over to the hospital cause I was already 5cm. I was so excited due to having 2 c-sections before this pregnancy. When I got there n they tried to find the babies heartbeat n couldn’t I knew something was wrong. They rushed me down to ultrasound n I could hear the nurse’s talking about calling the doctor to have him come right away. When he got there my worst nightmare happened. He told me that I had lost my baby. It was the worst day of my life. Still to this day April 19 will b a day I will never forget. I always think about him n what kind of boy he would b now. I have 3 beautiful children but nothing will ever replace him.

  177. Courtney says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, now I know that my feelings weren’t crazy. I had a miscarriage right before Thanksgiving only two months after I got married. My husband and I both have children from previous relationships. Neither situation was ideal for us, he was in high school although a happy time very scary for 2 teenagers and myself in a very abusive relationship. During my pregnancy I endured a lot of verbal and physical abuse, but promised my unborn little girl I would get us out of there and I did 🙂 So now that both of us have found happiness we so desperately want to have a child together. So getting pregnant so soon after we were married was so amazing. We were over the moon happy, we told our families and within 48 hours I started bleeding. Not only was I scared ,sad, confused, I was experiencing awful pain. After going to the ER and having blood work every other day it was confirmed I was no longer pregnant. So then almost 3 weeks of bleeding and the constant reminder, I had to try and give my 2 1/2 yr old a happy Christmas, face my in laws with their sad faces and the quiet I’m sorry when were away from the family. Not that I don’t think about it everyday to myself but to think about it out loud is hard. We are trying to get pregnant now but I am scared that it will happen again. There are just so many unanswered questions I hate that it just is. I just wish I knew why. Thank you this is truly the first time I have shared my feelings it is helpful to talk about it.

  178. jen hearn says:

    I totally and completely understand this pain.. i hold my head high with a smile everyday but i hurt inside as well.. i have a beautiful daughter who will be 3 in june of ’15.. we tried for the entire time she was growing to have another baby.. finally we got the yes and we were excited posting pics and showing that my lil girl was goin to be a big sister.. we were all excited but i kept goin into the hospital for a pain that was above my c-section scar to the left.. no one could figure out what was happening, but the baby was always ok.. i was fine with some pain as long as the baby was fine.. but i finally got an answer on july 4th of this year,2014.. i had some tests done and they said it was my gall bladder and i needed surgery.. they also said there was a 50/50 shot i might lose the baby.. but when i went into surgery, i bled out so much they tried to find where it was coming from.. aparently the stitches from my c-section got stiched into my uterus and i had been bleeding for basically 2 years.. i was 4 months pregnant at the time and immediately lost the baby… i also lost my uterus so no more babies for me.. but they did leave me with a working ovary so if i did want a babyin the futurei still have that option.. but to not have that one i was carrying……………… that what hurts the most… i felt so empty afterwards and the two week hospital stay turned into “how long can i Not cry for”.. , since that was all i did, cry.. HER due date was 12/13/14.. we set it up to be at 10:11am c-section… that day was the worst,sitting home with a blanket i was given for her and i still feel the pain everyday.. it will never go away, i still cry(with a smile), when i see a newborn, i hurt when i see pregnant ladies, even huggies commercials get me sometimes and they always will and thats ok.. we will always have a hurt and love for that lil baby cause its a love and bond that is so special it can never be broken, in hands or spirit… Thank you for sharing ur beautiful story and we send u a big hug, from our family to yours..

  179. Karen Edmisten says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing about it. My fifth miscarriage (several years ago) was a December loss, too, and it makes Christmas very difficult (though, of course, there’s never an easy time to deal with grief.)

    I was touched to see The Velveteen Rabbit quote — I used the very same quote in my book, “After Miscarriage.”

    Blessings to you!

  180. Jodi says:

    i can relate to your story. I lost my first baby boy this past June. It has been the worst thing that has happened to me. I thought losing my brother was hard but losing your own child is by far the hardest lost you can go through. I was almost 17 weeks along, just started my second trimester n I thought it was clear sailing. I went to er and they really couldn’t figure out what was going on why i had some discharging. They ran tests did an ultrasound n said baby was fine. Sent me home with a prescription because they thought i may of had an infection. About two hours from taking the medicine i had major back pain. I thought it may of been a kidney stone, I tried to lay down, took a shower and nothing seemed to ease the pain. My husband gript about having to take me to the er again….by this time my pain was unbearable and i had started losing blood….ended up delivering the baby in the bathroom. They ran all sorts of tests to find out why i miscarried and they don’t know. I have since been taking a baby aspirin but have not been able to conceive.

    This past Christmas was hard to go through because my husband’s brother and his fiance and their baby were there. Its hard to deal with them anyways because they are not married yet and their baby was fine. I on the otherhand am married and our baby didn’t make it. This has been the hardest to be around. And my mother-in-law told me to get over it and be thankful for what we do have. Its not easy!!! No one understands how it makes u feel unless they have been through it. I think about him all they time and think how things may have been. And if my husband and i will ever have another child. I found talking to others that had miscarriages to b helpful but it doesn’t take the pain away. I have bought the book Heaven is real but haven’t got up the courage to read it. I just keep praying to help me get through this. I just try to keep busy but i still think of my baby Zane all the time!! Hope this helps others know you are not alone in these feelings. Don’t give up faith!! God will carry you through this trial.

  181. Liza says:

    I wish that I had seen your post earlier. On December 8th 2012 we learned that our first child together had passed away two weeks earlier. We had four children, three were my boys from a first marriage and he has a daughter from his first marriage. I had a D & C on the 9th of December. There isn’t a year that goes by that I don’t hate that date. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about our little girl. On the day she would have been born I celebrate quietly. I’ve never really talked about it with anyone else. My husband was very supportive the first few weeks, but then as many men do, he has moved forward with life. I appreciate your sharing your story and sharing those five things.

  182. Bridgette says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I almost didn’t read this post because I knew how painful it would be. What I didn’t expect was the comfort your words gave me….the knowledge that I wasn’t alone. I was 42 when I miscarried the baby that would’ve been our 3rd child. We hadn’t planned on having any more kids but once we’d adjusted to the surprise, we were excited about adding to our family. We had the first ultrasound and everything looked great. A few weeks later I started spotting and after another ultrasound the doctor told me there was no heartbeat. I went in to the ultrasound alone while my husband sat in the car with our 4 & 7 yr old kids. I have never felt so alone. We hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet so we didn’t tell anyone about the miscarriage. I wish we had shared the news with our families and close friends. I have grieved alone and cried myself to sleep many nights since. I have often wondered what I did wrong too cause the miscarriage…was it that heavy box I carried from the car?…was it my age?….was it because I was initially scared of the changes another child would make in our family of 4? My rational self knew the answers to these questions was “no” but I still couldn’t escape the thought I had done something wrong. I’ve eventually accepted that it just wasn’t meant to be and know how blessed I am to have 2 wonderful children and an angel baby in heaven.

  183. Misty says:

    My heart breaks for you. I have been there and feel that to speak of our Angel baby people look at you like you have lost it. Our little one would be 7 this October. Beverley Mitchell – Angel This is the song that got me through. To this day I still cry when I here it.

  184. traci says:

    Not everyone feels the same way. Our 2nd pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks and rather than wait for a spontaneous ‘delivery’, I chose to have a D&C so we could start trying again right away. The news was hard that first day, but unlike many of you, my husband and I never felt like we had ‘lost a child’, but more that we had lost some time. We went on to have another healthy pregnancy several months later, and then twins. We now have four beautiful healthy girls.

    I would like to thank you for your article and your perspective, because while we were left unscarred by our loss, other couples are deeply hurt, and it is important for both types to understand that people react differently. I learned the hard way, when a cousin who had the same type of miscarriage as I did (blighted ovum) and I were talking and she was surprised at how casual I was, and I was surprised at how emotional she was. It was a good lesson for me. God bless you all and the littles here and in the clouds.

  185. Kaylee says:

    I found out I’d had a miscarriage in October when I went for my 12 week scan and there was no heartbeat. I should’ve been 6 months pregnant now and I still don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling. After that initial week everything just went back to normal and the people who knew expected us to be over it and get on with life. But I still feel sad.

  186. Jamie Short says:

    You summed up everything I was feeling 11 years ago! 2 boys later I still think of my 1st child, and wonder what might have been. My loss encourages me to live my best life for my creator so I can one day meet my son or daughter.
    Thanks,
    Jamie

  187. VJ says:

    While I’ve never experienced a miscarriage myself, I’ve known several people, including my mother, that have, and I have to say you ladies are stronger than I think I ever could be. My mother miscarried at 5 or 6 months gestation (I don’t remember which) an older sister of mine and I grew up knowing of her and being well aware that while I am the oldest, I’m not the oldest. I never understood how hard it must have been for my mom to look at infant me after that loss until after I had my own babies and realized how strong that bond really is. I have such admiration for the strength it takes to carry on with daily life after something so traumatic I don’t know if there are words to really express it.
    Thank you for sharing your stories, for helping those of us that haven’t experienced it understand as much as we can, and to those of you still struggling, all the love I can sling your way. My mom still misses my big sister, and I’ve always wondered what she’d have been like. So in a weird way, I kinda get it. But it’ll never be the same.

  188. Tracy says:

    I won’t share my entire experience, but it is very similar. Thank you for sharing & writing this. So many can relate, sadly. My thoughts go out to everyone.

    Another wonderful song is “Gone too Soon” by Daughtry. Check it out. It hits home, and has special meaning for all who have suffered a loss.

  189. Suzie says:

    my angel baby would have turned 13 this past Christmas. This was my second pregnancy. Because it was still my first trimester, the comment was made that there wasn’t really anything to lose. That comment hurt the most. I was still pregnant. That was still a life that I had helped create and still my baby. I think of that child all the time, and always wonder how alike it would have been to his/her brother and sister. Christmas is always hard because I know I should be celebrating a birthday as well. Only another parent that has experienced this type of loss truly understands the continual emotional pain that we endure. My heart goes out to all of the other parents. The pain and loss never ends.

  190. Nichola Hughes says:

    In heaven there are angels,
    That god, he cannot spare.
    But he sends them down to earth a while,
    To keep us from despair.

    But you’ll only know them briefly,
    As when their work is done,
    He’ll take them back up with him,
    To heaven beyond the sun.

    And they will never leave you,
    Of that you can be sure.
    They will be there to guide you,
    With hearts that are so pure.

    Wherever life’s path takes you,
    Through happiness or dismay,
    When life for you is over,
    They will light and guide your way.

    You will meet your angel once again,
    In heaven up above.
    And you will be surprised to learn,
    There’s a sweeter kind of love.

    Your earthly life is over,
    But for this do not be sad.
    You’ll be together forever,
    Be thankful and be glad.

    Nichola Hughes April 2014

  191. Nichola Hughes says:

    I try to write this poem,
    But there is no rhyme for Pain.
    I’ll put it down on paper,
    But my thoughts are far from sane.

    You are the only one, you see,
    Who can tell from the inside,
    The sound of my love for you,
    As my heart it beat with pride.

    You listened to my thoughts,
    For you were my own sake.
    I waited for you patiently,
    With each breath I did take.

    And its true you’ll never know,
    The pain I must endure;
    Knowing without hope,
    That, for heartache, there’s no cure.

    The day your heart stopped beating,
    My heart was ripped in two.
    For you were my sweet reason,
    My love, my everything, my you.

    Nichola Hughes April 2014

  192. Nichola Hughes says:

    The tears that I’ve cried,
    Are but a drop in the ocean,
    For there is nothing could express
    My broken emotion.

    My red swollen eyes,
    And my ripped sunken heart,
    Are just a few of the scars,
    That tear me apart.

    The emptiness consuming,
    Is a contrast I know.
    A hollow inside,
    Full of nothing to show.

    A fog descends.
    The days at an end.
    The darkness takes over.
    With time shall I mend?

    I’ll hope for surrender,
    For the aching to cease.
    My body will take over,
    My mind be at peace.

    In time I’ll renew,
    Will my spirit to lift.
    I’ll go on for you,
    I beg for the strength of this gift.

    Nichola HughesOct 2013

  193. Nichola Hughes says:

    Is this real, Is it meant to be?
    Or something I conjured into reality?
    Was it planned, Was it fate?
    Or were you just too delicate?

    Not for me. Not to be.
    Nothing for me to touch or see.
    But you were there, In here, my heart.
    From this moment on we’ll never part.

    I’ll love you. I’ll miss you.
    My thoughts will be with you
    My angel. My baby.
    The hole in my heart.

    Nichola Hughes Oct 2012

  194. Nichola Hughes says:

    Words are like weapons,
    They’re worse than sticks stones.
    Because the wounds you cannot see,
    Hurt more than broken bones.

    It can be in the speaking,
    That words will cut you deep.
    But it’s when the words aren’t spoken,
    It’s that void that you will keep.

    It’s those unspoken thoughts,
    And the lack of an acknowledging word,
    That make it seem that they don’t care,
    About the troubles in your world.

    But Its your own thoughts that will break you,
    Your overanalysing mind.
    It’s your twist on those unspoken words,
    That make them seem unkind.

    Take care of your thoughts,
    And take care of you head.
    And remember, whether the words are spoken or not,
    It’s all in how they’re read.

    Nicola Hughes May 2014

  195. Nichola Hughes says:

    Words are like weapons,
    They’re worse than sticks stones.
    Because the wounds you cannot see,
    Hurt more than broken bones.

    It can be in the speaking,
    That words will cut you deep.
    But it’s when the words aren’t spoken,
    It’s that void that you will keep.

    It’s those unspoken thoughts,
    And the lack of an acknowledging word,
    That make it seem that they don’t care,
    About the troubles in your world.

    But Its your own thoughts that will break you,
    Your overanalysing mind.
    It’s your twist on those unspoken words,
    That make them seem unkind.

    Take care of your thoughts,
    And take care of you head.
    And remember, whether the words are spoken or not,
    It’s all in how they’re read.

    Nichola Hughes May2014

  196. Nichola Hughes says:

    There is a train that’s leaving,
    It’s headed down below,
    I have a first class ticket,
    It’s where all the lost souls go.

    It takes you way down deep,
    Beyond the darkest deep despair.
    I’ll be travelling solo,
    My pain has paid my fare.

    There’ll be no one there to guide me,
    Everyone must go alone.
    Who knows how long I’ll stay there,
    I’ll work it out on my own.

    And if you see my face,
    And it looks like I’m not there,
    You’ll know my soul has left me,
    It’s away to be repaired.

    You’ll want to fix it for me,
    To help me work it through.
    But know in all your kindness,
    There’s nothing you can do.

    I’m the one who’s chosen,
    The one to take the pain.
    I have all the work to do,
    To get back on my feet again.

    So however long it takes me,
    To make it seem alright.
    I’ll need to know that you’ll be there,
    When I head back towards the light.

    NicholaHughes May 2014

  197. Jeremy says:

    My three year old son was with us on the day we saw the u/s and then we had to go accompany my daughter’s class to a pumpkin patch. This didn’t add to or lessen the pain and sadness, it just confused it.

    That sense of feeling awful but managing to have a happy moment and have it “seasoned” with the sadness weighing you down.
    And I am just the dad.

    My wife’s strengths and weaknesses were revealed that day and all were powerless to fix it.

    3 months later, and a few visits and a procedure later, she still hurts and longs for our missing child and yet she moves forward. My children feel the pain and loss as expected from preschooler and kindergartener perspective and I as a father and husband hurt in my own way but also try to be a healing aspect in our family’s effort to cope.

    A tragic and sad but welcomed story and pray blessings and continued healing for you and all on here sharing or reading. Thank you for this.

  198. Terry says:

    I have read nearly every comment, and as a man i will never feel the pain it is for a woman to go through a miscarriage. Regardless if it’s in the first trimester or due date! The reason i wanted to speak, is that through all the comments, none are from men! This is maybe because men show no emotion(in public), we are supposed to be the strong ones after all! But if any man has felt the pain i have, through the loss of a child, then they will know how difficult it is for a man to talk to someone about it! I lost my first son still born! I had always wanted a child, and out the blue, i was going to be a dad eventually by 30 yo! For 7 months, i talked to my child through his mothers belly! Sang to him, read books, and told him every day how we both couldn’t wait to see him. Then my partner started feeling sore middle of december, at 38 weeks gone! We went to hospital and due to cut backs in NHS, when the nurse only heard faint heart beat, we had to travel for an hour to different hospital for help! By time we arrived, my partner had been bleeding internally, and i was told i had option of 10% chance of saving son, but partner would die, or get my partner to give natural birth to our dead son, with 50% chance she would still die! My heart stopped, i felt my life drift away, then i looked at my partner on the operating table and soon realised i wasn’t the one in trouble it was them! My partner bravely gave birth to our beautiful son after a full body blood transfusion, and although he never opened his eyes or felt the ground beneath his feet. We got to hold him, cuddle him, stroke his thick black hair and hold his tiny little hands, before the nurses took him away never to be seen again. This although so heartbreaking made me feel thankful that i had more time, than so may had with their lost children. To all the unbelievably strong women that have posted on this page, i salute you all! Men will never feel your physical pain, but we will also feel an enormous amount of mental pain in loss! Anyone that felt like there is no sunshine at the end of bad storm, keep your head up, keep your heart strong and believe it will happen one day! My partner was told, after what happened she will never have children, but 2 years later, out of the blue, we were blessed with a beautiful little blue eyed boy, who has given me a new lease for life! He is now 4!!! I hope i haven’t offended anyone with this message? I have never found a way to talk to anyone about this, not even with my now ex partner. The post brought so many memories back and i just wanted to talk! Love, kisses and big hugs, to all on this post!

    • Liz says:

      Terry, yes, other men-dads-have posted on here. I am so sorry for your loss & so happy you have a 2nd son ! It’s a beautiful testament to your firstborn. Sadly many partners or other family members/friends don’t get it or don’t want to. Your (ex-) partner was very blessed to have someone as caring & loving as you by her side through it all. As for the doctors, over the many, many years, I’ve learned they don’t know everything..that’s why its called ‘practicing medicine’ 🙂
      While I will always be Pro-Choice, my belief is that every child born was meant to be, every child that isn’t, well God has his reasons. My lost babies are with my parents now, (surprise mom & dad!) & I know I’ll be with them again one day.
      Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. Peace, Love & Blessings to you & yours! 🙂

  199. Ins says:

    First off I just want to say thank you for sharing your experience with everyone. It’s not easy to talk about a miscarriage. Reading your post gave me comfort in knowing that I did suffer a loss and that it’s ok to grieve. Sadly, I had a miscarriage in 2008. I already had two boys 2 and 4, and baby would’ve made three. My husband and I were excited. We had gone through marital issues prior, but sought counseling and were able to work things out. Shortly after, we found out I was pregnant and boy were we thrilled. I was seventeen weeks when I went into early labour just weeks before we would find out our baby’s gender. I was also 2 and a half weeks away from what they say a baby can survive premature birth. When I woke up in the hospital the nurse broke the news to my husband and I and my heart sank. I went numb. I became angry with everyone especially my husband, in fact I blamed him for not getting me to the hospital sooner. It wouldn’t have helped, I knew that but I was so angry that I didn’t care. When my parents and some of my siblings came I thought for sure I would get some support and comforting even though I really didn’t want to see anyone I thought seeing them would make me feel better. Boy was I wrong. Immediately upon sitting my dad starts a lecture about how we were being punished for going through our marital woes. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He even insinuated that this was my fault. The doctor came in the room in time to interrupt the rest of his “comfort speech” to let my husband and I know our baby would have been a girl. I’m not sure how they could tell all I thought was I will never be able to hear her little cries. I will never get to dress her up and have mother daughter time. She would have been our first girl.
    After my first visitors left I had another uncomfortable visit where all they talked about was how they knew someone who suffered a miscarriage. The last thing you want to hear is someone blaming you and about someone else’s loss. I decided after that visit I didn’t need anymore. That was not even the worst. Going home to family thinking you would get some sympathy….. forget it. No one said a word to me. Not to mention I had my baby by my side in the hospital for just two days. When my dad was there he didn’t even want to see my baby. He even had the audacity to tell my husband and I to let the hospital take her because they didn’t have the money to pay for anything. So I guess you can now imagine why for so long I chose to ignore and deny my miscarriage. Why I chose not to acknowledge it or allow myself to grieve. I watched an episode of 19 kids and counting I think by Grace of God and it just so happened to be an episode where the mother had a miscarriage. They held a funeral service for her baby and it brought me to tears. There is not a day that goes by where I wish I could’ve done that for my baby. She deserved it. I will forever regret not speaking up. I’m not even sure why I didn’t. I always was one to speak up for my kids and myself I guess I was too weak and heartbroken to even say anything. I don’t know. I just want to say thank you for helping me to grieve and for helping others to try and understand that it still is a loss of a child. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me. My nurse also told me having another baby wouldn’t take away the pain. She said to give myself time to heal and in God’s time we will get our baby girl. She was so right, in 2011 I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. My pregnancy was rough and high risk but worth everyday.

  200. Cheryl says:

    I really enjoyed reading this. I had my miscarriage at 19 weeks, 2 weeks after my baby was diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome via amniocentesis. I labored for 30 hours in a hospital before I got to hold my dead baby. But at least I got to hold her.

  201. Britney says:

    You are right. No one understands. Even though we’ve gone through it too, it never feels validating enough. My 5 things sound exactly like yours. Prayers for comforting and super natural peace. I had to work through the crap about God’s timing and God’s will. No, it’s bc of sin and our fallen world that people get sick and die. Even our preborn babies.
    Jesus mourns with us, God understands our pain.

  202. bryanna says:

    Had a miscarriage 26/14.. it was my first pregnancy.. I was expecting everything would be ok… had a wonderful Christmas with family.. was going to a Dr appointment the day after christmas to hear the heartbeat for the first time and set up my first ultrasound. (I was 10 weeks) We couldn’t find heartbeat. Went for ultrasound half an hour later, and they told us we lost the baby… my Christmas is going to be changed forever too..

  203. Jean says:

    I had my miscarriage on Labor Day – the irony of that does not escape me. The thing that helped me heal the most was my doctor’s absolute presence and “stern” reassurance that I did NOT “cause” the miscarriage. But nobody really talks about it…

    One of the most hurtful things that was said to me was, “You’re young. You’ll have more kids.” While that was true, I wanted to remind her that children are not interchangeable. I deeply love the two I have, and I miss the one I miscarried.

  204. Teriyaki1 says:

    My firstborn would have been 33 years old this year. It does get better as time goes, But you never forget. I always say that one was the easiest to raise as God raised him/her.! We were blessed with 3 more children in our lives and they all know they have a sibling in Heaven they will get to meet someday. When I ‘lost’ my precious baby I was 19 so everyone, meaning well I’m sure, said “No big deal, you are young, you’ll have more later” none of the adults I was around could understand my grief and I began to think their was something wrong with me crying a lot. Thank you for your posting to let other moms know you are ‘allowed’ to grieve, in fact it is healthy. I personally find great comfort in knowing that someday in the future I will be reunited with my precious firstborn child.

  205. Best Dating Sites says:

    Having read this I thought it was extremely informative.
    I appreciate you taking the time and energy to put this short article together.
    I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and posting comments.
    But so what, it was still worthwhile!

  206. Fran says:

    I had a miscarriage 3 years ago, the week after my 23rd bday and 2 weeks before Christmas… I had just entered my second trimester. I can honestly say that it hurts, physically and emotionally. Not a day goes by, even now, that I don’t still think about him and feel that loss. The hospital where I stayed, the doctors and nurses let me hold him, took pictures of him.. I still have those. It’s a shadow box now. I wanted to have another baby immediately, but we gave ourselves 2 years to be ready. Every May (when I was due) I think of my Gabriel… he would be almost 3 now. I’m finally ready to try again.. taking about it helped a lot. Thank you for informing the world.

    • Angel DelValle says:

      This was beautiful, what you did for your friend. This touched home with me, i am glad she had sucb a wo derful support system during a hard time like this.

  207. Helen says:

    I had a miscarriage seven years ago and I still think about the baby I didn’t have. My husband and I had planned to surprise our families on Christmas day that we were expecting. Yet, a few days before Christmas at my check up the doctor could not find a heartbeat & she told me I would lose the baby any day. Well, come the morning of Christmas Eve I miscarried. It broke my heart. So I too remember my baby every Christmas season.

  208. Angel DelValle says:

    This story really touched home with me… Having lived through 8 miscaries before they figured it out was by far the worst time in my life. And it doesnt matter how soon or how early the miscarry happens it hurts the same…. I agree with your 5 things. I too was that person that would say things like, why is it such a big deal…. now knowing exactly what it feels like, I know, and I wish just one time I could see what my babies looked like, or who they would become, just something. And the guilt, thats the hardest part, to tell yourself that there was nothing you could do, this has been so hard for me to accept 🙁 so thank you for sharing. Maybe we can be in contact. I have never had anybody to talk to about them and I would love that. So if anyone would be interested in listening to my story feel free to contact me. Please, the extra ear would be such a big help…. thank you! And thank you for the article it is helpful knowing that we are not alone.

  209. Candace says:

    I just recently miscarried. I went in for my 1st ultrasound and could not find a heartbeat. After 2 weeks of not knowing if I was still too early or if I would loose the baby we found out still no heartbeat. I actually miscarried the night before my d&c. I had never felt that much pain before in my life. I laid in bed and cried all night. I tried to act like it was no big deal and that I was fine but every day I think about the baby. It doesn’t help that everyone around me is getting pregnant or having their babies. I wonder why me all the time. I still haven’t talked to anyone about it but my mom. I really don’t know how to deal with it. I am hoping that starting to try again in a few months will help!!

  210. Marla says:

    Wow!! Praying for ALL of you ladies!! We have been trying to conceive for two years now and had our first pregnancy and miscarriage in November 2014 … Start to finish it lasted a month. I can’t compare to labor at this point in my life but I did have contractions and they were the MOST AWFUl pain I have EVER experienced!! And I never dreamed my body had that much blood! Your ‘5 things’ are DEAD ON!!!! You can usually tell before people even tell you if they have had one or not. Everyone’s situation and story is different, however if you tell me they Dident take a piece of your heart I will call you a liar.

    Love you all! So neat to read through your stories! Know someone loves you all and is praying for you 🙂

  211. MJ says:

    I miscarried in my first trimester before I even made it to my first Dr. appointment . I always thought, like this article said, it would be like a heavy period. It was nothing like that! Full blown labor practically thrusted me out of bed. Severe back pain and cramps and blood EVERYWHERE! I ran into the living room where my boyfriend was sleeping and shook him awake saying “we need to go. I’m losing the baby”. Crying I called my best friend on the way and she met me. I can still remember being in the private waiting room wondering why I was even waiting. Yes I walked in but I was losing my baby!!! Get me in!!! I had this hope that even after all the blood…the baby could be saved. Having a nurse look for my baby on the ultra sound was physically painful and emotionally draining. Not being able to find anything for so long and them him finally saying…”oh right there. It’s so small….this looks like a pregnancy that you should have barely even been detectable. ” it was so small….but it was mine….and I was going to lose it.
    The days that followed were excruciatingly painful. I should have went back to the e.r. I don’t know why I was even sent home honestly. About 2 or 3 days of nearly non stop level 11 pain. I remember squeezing the color out of my boyfriends hand. Over the next few weeks going to the dr. that was originally suppose to see me for the happiest moment in my life , was now telling me my numbers are going down…which is basically your body aborting the baby. That was equally as hard…hearing your “numbers” going down. Thank god my boyfriend got me flowers and a ton of lame stuffed animals. I clung to those stupid things until their heads about popped off!
    I hadn’t told my family because I wanted to make sure everything was ok and show my family everything was fine. I was 24 at the time and was still being treated like a baby by my family , despite living on my own for 4 years. I only told my sister that I was pregnant out of my family….which was a big mistake . Not only was she not supportive, she treated me like a teenager. Despite me having an amazing full time job with benefits , my own place and the father ,who I love, in the picture. I told her not to tell anyone especially our alcoholic mother that I was pregnant. I knew I would get no kind words from her….or she would make it all about her and make her own anxiety about it. long story short ,my sister told her friend ,her friend then told her mother and then her mother called my parents to congratulate them on the grandchild. Well the next day after they left a message on my parents machine is when I miscarried. When I left the e.r. I called my sister and told her. As I was withdrawing from the ATM to go make a payment on my hospital bill I got angry phone call from my lovely alcoholic mother (drunk) telling me how irresponsible and immature I was and then I got hung up on. The worst things you can hear after having a miscarriage are that you are irresponsible because you already feel responsible for anything that happens. Especially a miscarriage. We blame ourselves constantly. the whole point in her not knowing was when she started throwing a fit about me being pregnant and asking me what are you going to do, you need a doctor, you need this, you need that. I could say I’ve already been mother . I’m in my mid twenties ….and I got my own doctor and here’s the picture of the baby and everything’s fine! It’s sad but I thought the only positive note about my miscarriage is that I wouldn’t have to tell my crazy alcoholic mother anything. It turns out that I didn’t.
    I now have a 4 year old girl with the same man. She is GORGEOUS! When I found out I did tell my family. It was hard because I had to re live everything and I had major anxiety about it happening again the entire time . When I told my mom and dad I even said ” well I would have like to have had my first doctors appointment before telling you. But I’m pregnant! I tried to wait last time but it got me called irresponsible at a very hard time in my life. Soooo….all I know is I’m pregnant. Yay! Now, we are going for Mexican food. Mmm. Bye!” I
    It was a very hard time and the lack of support probably made it even harder. Hearing your irresponsible after a miscarriage, when there was nothing you could do, is like giving someone a loaded gun and telling them to kill themselves. I should have got support. I know I’m rambling but I’ve never really talked about it. This article really helped me a lot…I even shared it. So now people who never knew what I went through now know a small portion of it. It feels good to let this story out.
    My heart breaks for all who have lost!

  212. jenni says:

    I lost my 2nd pregnancy on new years eve at 6wks 5days but I thought I was about 8wks, I started to spot on boxing day (Friday) and had an early scan (on tuesday) which showed a sac mesureing 6wks 4days instead of the 8 i thought, with what they thought was 2 heartbeats. I miscarried the next day while waiting for another scan to confirm twins. The hardest part for me personally is that I saw the heartbeats, that it/they were alive one day and gone the next and I didn’t even get to find out if they/it was a twin pregnancy. It just seems so surreal the experience, its like it never happened, but at least I have my baby girl to keep my mind off it most of the time. This helps a little to be able to write down and hopefully help someone else who has gone through it to. Xx

  213. Leslie says:

    I have had four miscarriages. Seeing your story is refreshing in that I have been told “it’s just life” and “it’s is what it is.” What it is is a loss of a baby…and there are no words. I am holding tight to my faith and thankful to have a husband who loves me through it. Thank you for sharing your story! It was very validating!

  214. Hope says:

    Thank you so much for this website and article! I have 3 healthy boys and was pregnant with my 4th. I found out Friday at 10 weeks my baby had passed. At first I was in shock when I was told this by my doctor. I never expected this! My husband and I went in to the visit with so much excitement and joy only to leave with such sadness and loss. I have struggled with sadness, anger and guilt which are normal feelings. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be a mom before but can’t help but feel sadness for the one I will never know here on earth. Your article and the ability to read others experiences is uplifting as I no longer feel alone. I will go Tuesday to have a D & C done. I know this will be a tough day but I have faith in God that he will be with me during the surgery and after to help me heal. I know I will see my “little one” again someday.:) Thanks so much ladies!

  215. Stephanie says:

    I completely understand everyone’s feelings it has been since December 1998 I lost my first baby there is not a day goes by I don’t think about my little angel. Hardest thing for a mother to go through.

  216. Kendra says:

    We have tried for 5 years to get pregnant and finally in October we got a positive pregnancy test. We were so excited. After a month and half of tests was told i had a miscarriage then told my levels went up then seeing no baby the doctor ruled epotopic pregnancy. They took the measures needed. A week and a half went by I thought ok we can move on. On thanksgiving I went in the er and had emergency surgery my right fallopian tube burst. I almost bled to death. I had 5 blood transfusions and have a scar almost like a c section. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think about this and the baby I will never meet. I am very happy to have read this article. Thank you

  217. Brooke says:

    My husband and I lost our second child at about 6 weeks gestation this past July. Since it was much too early to know if our little one is a girl or boy, we chose a unisex name for him/her–Jesse (meaning “Gift”) Love. Giving the baby a name was part of the healing, for me. I was also so glad that we had told our families and several of our close friends almost as soon as we knew we were pregnant. It helped immensely to have their support during the miscarriage, and we found out just how not alone we were. So many of our friends and relatives had suffered similar losses. I was amazed at how, when I shared my loss, it gave them the freedom to talk about theirs also, and we were actually able to minister to each other. I know that your post, Ashley, and the thoughts from so many commenters here have had the same effects. So, I want to thank you all…and offer these words of encouragement from Jesse’s “BirthVerse”, Colossians 3:4: When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

  218. Valerie says:

    My husband and I have been through 2 miscarriages, and sadly our first pregnancy ended with one when I was 12 weeks along. It happened February 4, 2007. I don’t understand why, even still to this day, but my husband was not really affected by either of them. I cried and mourned by myself….I still cry by myself. I have to say my first miscarriage was the worst though, I suppose because I was far enough along that when I did pass the baby, I could see its little head and body. The pain of the contractions were almost unbearable, I was scared and my husband had left me home alone to attend a football party at his friends house (I apologize, I know I should leave that out but I have not been able to vent about it and I am still bitter about the poor choices he made that day)

    I am about to celebrate my 30th birthday with my 3 healthy kiddos I have been blessed with, but also want to say that not a single day goes by that I don’t think about meeting and holding both of my angels!

    Many prayers for all you ladies and your families <3

  219. Dude7674 says:

    I couldnt imagine how some of you ladies do deal with this, As a guy I always wonder about my kid, He would of been 6 years by now and im just now 25. It is true though, During the Holidays or when I see my nephews running around a piece of me still hurts knowing that my child should of been in that bunch of kids. I would have been a single dad however im 100% sure that my love would of been everything my child needed. Might be silly but I still light a candle every year for the whole month he was supposed to be born

  220. Tammy says:

    I just Wanted to Say. I am so sorry for anyone’s loss.

    I too have had 3 1st trimester miscarriages. No one knows your pain except another person who has gone thru it themselves. Unfortunately I didn’t have anyone really I could turn too And back then you didn’t hear of people getting help like they do today and I’m not sure if they was anyone in my town at that time who specialized in that field. drs after miscarriages didn’t recommend you to anyone with that kind of loss. Or none that I’m aware of didn’t

    I was 23 the first miscarriage I had. I was 10 and half weeks along. I had no Idea i was even pregnant for the longest portion of it. All I knew is I felt Great and had more energy than I had in my entire life. Until one day I had an appt. at the health clinic for some blood work and they did a pregnancy test on me as a standard thing they did there and that one come back negative And they found out my Iron levels were really low. so they gave me some Iron tablets. after a few days they were making me sick from the Iron they put me on. So they did more blood work and I found out this time I was pregnant. I went home and told my husband. we were so happy.

    But the day came soon after that. I woke up screaming. It felt like someone was twisting a dagger through out my gut. It was horrible. Thank God my Husband was there. Our bed was soaked with blood . he immediately got up to help me and He changed our sheets. He never hesitated a moment. He help me to the bathroom so I could get cleaned up. He brought me everything I needed and was nearby as not to be overbearing. He understood I was and still am claustrophobic.
    He ran a warm bath for me. I got in and it help ease some pain. Not a lot but some. I couldn’t understand why the water was getting so bloody. So I let the water out and started the water again. Again the water was getting bloody again. So I ended up let out out the water and trying it one more time. all three times were the same. I finally get out and as I sit on the toilet drying off. My husband right there at a moments notice. All the while he keeps saying honey please let me take you to the hospital. I kept telling myself its ok. Moments later I passed my child. It was about the size of a half dollar. It had no skin. You could see its eyes, arms, body , legs and head. So tiny. and now with God but yet in my hand. I bled for more months straight and heavy. Before I went to the er.

    the nurse at the ER wanted to know where the baby was. I told them. They told me I was about and a half weeks. Needless to say it took maybe six months for it all to sink in . Then I couldn’t stop crying. I cried almost nonstop for nearly 6 weeks. I had a couple of friends help me through this time. They even cried with me sometimes. I would wake up and start crying until I had wore myself out then Id sleep and do it al over again. I never knew anyone had so much water in their body to create that much tears.

    I did get pregnant again. Thank God it wasn’t right away. i was 30 by this time. Thank God seven years had past. by that time I was remarried and I was pregnant by him. He accused me of sleeping around on him. Of course me and God knew the answer to accusation . It never once crossed my mind. And the day I miscarried . I drove him to work while bleeding from having a miscarriage. And then stopped at a payphone to call my Mother and the Hospital to let them know I was driving to the ER. I walk in I tell them I had called and had my baby on some tissue and the Male nurse said what did you do vomit up so me blood ?? I said no :Jackass”, I just had a miscarriage. I was 7 weeks that time. Needless to say that male nurse did not come near me anymore. I reported his butt.

    After that miscarriage. It was about a year later I got pregnant again. This time I was only 6 and a half weeks.when I miscarried. This time I was carried by ambulance to the ER. And this time I prayed really hard and often. I even asked God why did you take ALL MY BABIES from me ?? I wanted all my babies. I would of been a good Mom.

    I am now 50 yrs old and still have no child. I still think about each and everyone of them. It is not anything that will ever leave you. You always wonder was it a boy or girl ?? what color eyes? What color was its hair or was its skin. You wonder what kind of person would they of been?? But we will never know. Needless to say my first was THE Hardest thing I ever had to go thru. That’s the one that I thought I was just gonna loose it . It is so heart wrenching and people who have never gone thru anything like it Just doesn’t understand.

    After nearly 27 yrs I still cry. Sometimes, Around the anniversary Of what would of been the first two’s potential birthday and My Grandmothers Birthday as well. I keep to myself and don’t say anything to anyone that I absolutely don’t have to . That is my time to remember and , Grieve and cry with no one around to explain anything to. My Mother is not one to be compassionate or empathetic. She thinks crying is for the weak. So I stay away during that time.

    I only know that Had I not had God in my life. I have no Idea where I would be today. I pray that God give all of you ladies the strength you need and the the peace in your heart to make each day a better day. And I hope this helps someone in need. God knows I wish I had this when I was younger. God Bless

    • Liz says:

      You’re not alone Tammy! My heart just broke reading your story. Mine is here somewhere. I’ve had 9 losses. May God give you Peace, Love, Comfort & Blessings! I will remember you in prayers! xoxo

      • Tammy says:

        Thank You Liz. I appreciate that. I am so sorry for your losses as well. I pray God give you the strength you need. Just know I will keep you and all of the others who have had our losses in my prayers.. I almost tried a 4th time. I even went to a fertility dr to get the meds needed.To try and conceive again. But withe husband I had, he was a horrible, horrible man. I wouldn’t dare bring a child into such a awful environment.

  221. Angela says:

    I found a lot of support at silentgrief.com. I still think about my baby every day and cry from time to time even though my miscarriage happened in 2007. Today, I would have been celebrating my child’s 7th birthday. Well, I am celebrating his/her birthday…in my own little way :'(

    Happy 7th Birthday, Daryl Zane Morgan!

    I am now 37-years old and have not had any other children. I have always wanted to be a mom and, now, I may never be. This has been a true test of my faith and, through the years, has very much rattled it. It is something I struggle with everyday; I am very angry that (what may have been) my one chance at becoming a mother was taken from me.

    For those of you who still have faith in the Lord, I’ll leave you with these words that are on my child’s memorial plaque:

    Hang It On The Cross

    “If you have a secret sorrow,
    a burden or a loss,
    An aching need for healing…
    Hang It On The Cross.

    If worry steals your sleep,
    and makes you turn and toss,
    If your heart is feelign heavy…
    Hang It On The Cross.

    Every obstacle to faith,
    or doubt you come across,
    Every prayer unanswered…
    Hang It On The Cross.

    For Christ has borne our brokenness
    and dearly paid the cost
    To turn our trials to triumph…
    Hanging On The Cross.

    Thanks for sharing your story!

  222. Ahry says:

    I had my first miscarriage two days ago. I didn’t know I was pregnant! It occurred to me that it could happen, but it was too early to test. I figured I would wait and see if my period was late (it NEVER is!), and with my luck, it was. I felt sick and out of sorts for a couple of days, and then when my period came four days late everything about it just felt odd and wrong. Nothing was normal. Super light bleeding with pains, then heavy bleeding for a few hours and it hurt like nothing else. These past two days I’ve had light bleeding with some pains and discharge, but emotionally I feel empty. I looked up my symptoms and figured I’d miscarried. My closest sister is 23wks pregnant, and found out it’s a girl literally within the same hour I lost my baby. I’m scared to tell my mom, as both my pregnancy and my sisters were “unplanned” and she is still coping. My boyfriend, the only person I’ve told, is amazing but doesn’t quite understand what it’s like. He cried a little bit but we haven’t had any time to ourselves in the past two days. I haven’t had time to cope yet because of work, and I can’t take a sick day without explaining it to my boss (my boyfriends mom -.-) or my parents (whom I still live with because they are paying for college.) Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t see my sister all the time, growing big and fat and happy. I didn’t ever get the chance to want the baby and get excited because it was dead by the time I found out. Ever since I met my boyfriend I’ve dreamed of telling him “I’m pregnant!” and getting excited and bubbly and waiting with him. Instead I had to tell him that I lost our baby. Of course he didn’t know I was pregnant before I told him that so he was kinda stumped. I really don’t know what to do now, because there is no way to confirm %100 that it was a pregnancy and miscarriage, but I’ve had periods for years (I’m almost 20) and this one was so different there is no way it was just a period.
    If you make it to the bottom of this webpage, please say a prayer for me and my boyfriend. I am praying for you all.

  223. bekki@a better way to homeschool says:

    what a beautiful, transparent, hard post…
    My first miscarriage was the hardest experience of my life. Terrifying, excruciating, and so lonely…
    My husband was in the Navy at the time and was out to sea on a six month cruise. No one around me understood how devastated I was… You put words to my miscarriage…

    That was 25 years ago, yet I remember it like it was yesterday.

    Thank you for sharing!

  224. Jessica says:

    I am still crying after reading this. I Lost my baby on August 28th 2015 . I was 18weeks I found out I was pregnant a week before I was spotting and bleeding for proximally 4 weeks. I share your pain I still think So many things and I’m not sure if I will think less of the baby after the tome pass by. I feel like every day I realize yes it is true. I have 3 children already I I feel guilty because I never through I was pregnant. I had the IUD in place.

    • Tammy says:

      Jessica sweetheart I am so sorry for you loss. Thank God you have those 3 beautiful babies. But Just so you know as time goes by the easier it seems to get. You may think Oh she’s crazy she has no Idea . But actually I do, you see when I was 23 I got pregnant with my fist child. Like you I had no idea, All I know is I felt great and felt great better than I had since i was in high school. Then one night I woke up with the most excruciating pain i have ever had in my whole life. at this time I had never miss my cycle. I wont go into the details of everything that took place that night. My husband wanted to take me to the hospital. Instead I said no and i bled for close to 3 months all together. It took my mother and friend ganging up on me to get me to go to the hospital. By this time I had already bled for about two months. and at the er they wanted to know where my baby was.. I was shocked. I had no idea that I was pregnant. needless to say I was 10 and a half weeks along. so honey it is not totally. impossible to not know. i after several months passed . I started crying uncontrollably . I never knew a body could retain so much water. . Finally after that I got myself together and tried to live life to the fullest. It hasn’t been easy. altogether I have had 3 miscarriages .
      I am now 50 i still have no children.. For me I suppose it wasn’t meant for me to have children. over the years I had to learn not to beat myself up over my losses. I know one day I shall see them all. i had to do a lot of soul searching and learn to forgive myself and Pray. Its God who finally gave me
      my peace. It says that ” If you ask you shall receive”: I still cry sometimes Just not as often and occasionally when I see someone so happy with their child it really upsets me. I’m glad that don’t happen very often. I hope this help you in some way. needless to say I can meet each day with a warm smile today and tomorrow. I will pray for you honey. May God Bless You
      .

  225. maggie says:

    I lost a 4 year old child to a very short illness in 1998 and I know that she is happy with God in heaven. The first 3 years were filled with terrible grief, but I have to say as of this writing, I don’t think of her every day any more and if I do, I don’t allow negative thoughts to take up too much of my time. I try to only think of the cute things she used to do and then I go on with my day. I accept what has happened and there’s nothing I can do to change it. Grieving for years at a time isn’t going to change anything about the situation. It isn’t going to bring her back. It would only serve to make me miserable and I don’t think my daughter would want me to be miserable. I think she would want me to live my life to the fullest here and now, and be ready for the day when we will be together again for eternity. I can do that one day at a time.

  226. Calley says:

    I recently had a miscarriage. (about 2 months ago). I thought I was over it, but recently I have been lashing out over the most minor things, and I feel very overwhelmed by my whole life right now. (messy kitchen, daily work activities, my daughter having tantrums, etc). The song “Someone like you” came on the radio right after I found out that there was no baby (and I was sent back to work). I sobbed in my car for several minutes. (I don’t know how long I was in there). I am happy for mommies that are having babies, and I love being around my daughter, she’s hilarious. But I still feel like there is something missing. I have heard that you can have postpartum depression even after a miscarriage, could this be that feeling? I don’t know. I am heartbroken, and you’re right, I will never meet my little dot on the screen. I will never hold “him”, I will never kiss “him”, and I will never nurse “him” to sleep. I will never hear “him” say his first curse word, or yell at him for breaking curfew, or see his heart broken by a girl. I will never watch him fall in love with a woman, or get married. I know that he was just a little dot on the ultrasound screen, but he was MY dot.

  227. Tina says:

    Thank you for posting! I will be 34 years old in 3 days and I just went through a miscarriage 1 week ago today. This would have been my first child. I keep blaming myself even though I know it isn’t my fault. I’ve never felt any pain as much as I felt with this. To want something so bad and to have it taken from you in an instant, hurts like no other. My husband and I whom has been my ROCK and my biggest support system are getting through this the best way that we can. Thank you for sharing your story and words of encouragement! May God Bless you!

    • Tammy says:

      It was painful to have had something you love taken from you That kind of pain I would never want anyone to experience it. But it does. I don’t know if you read mine or not. But I can only pray God give you strength you need to meet each day. At least one thing that give me peace is i know all of mine are with God and they are all angels watching over me. You see I had 3 miscarriages. I only hope that you use the pain you feel for this. to help others understand who may have the same problem one day. I wish you well and pray you have a child one day. I never did after that last one.

  228. Courtni says:

    Your story hits close to home with me, as I have suffered through a miscarriage this year. It takes a great deal of healing after losing a baby, I too was only in my first trimester, I was barely eight weeks along. My due date was this November 4th and I lost my baby four days before Easter. My husband and I have been married two years and this was our first baby, we were so overjoyed when we found out I was pregnant as I had been told that it may be very difficult to conceive. I dealt with so much guilt when I miscarried, even though we both knew that it wasn’t my fault, and that I had done all the right things; yet I still found myself apologizing to my husband for the miscarriage. It doesn’t make sense to anyone who hasn’t been through it. Three weeks after I miscarried we went to a farewell party for our friends, we arrived to the restaurant late and all the seats were taken except for two, right next to our friend and their 3 month old baby. It broke my heart all over again just to be next to a mother and her beautiful baby and I remember just wanting to leave. Four months later and I’m still recovering, it’s not something that I will ever forget but I have been able to move forward from the pain and guilt that I felt. I can focus on the fact that somehow our beautiful child knows how much we loved him or her, and is in heaven waiting for us. For all of the mothers out there who have suffered through the loss of a child, my heart grieves for us all, but I have found so much love and peace in this community that there is such beautiful possibility to move forward.

  229. Sara says:

    I have had two miscarriages. My first miscarriage was my first pregnancy. It was about 21 years ago. A weird thing was that not long before my miscarriage, I went in for a prenatal appointment where a nurse picked up the heartbeat. When I miscarried, I didn’t feel labor pains like in the story above, just started bleeding and passing chunks of tissue. At one point I did feel very dizzy like I was going to faint. When I went to the doctor they still picked up a heartbeat, which was amazing, but my hopes were dashed when I went in for an ultrasound and they found nothing there. They said something about a lump in the falopian tube, which they thought was just a cyst, but said could be an ectopic pregnancy. I felt so very empty inside with an overwhelming sadness, and I agonized over the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy. They had me get the blood drawn, and determined that I was no longer pregnant. I now believe that the nurse did not pick up my babies heartbeat, and that she was picking up mine, instead, since the same nurse picked up a heartbeat after I had already miscarried. Four months later I was pregnant again, and felt very strongly that even though it was going to be a different body that the spirit was the same. The name we had picked for the first one, we gave to the second one, which is my first born, because I just felt they were the same. On that account I have not agonized that I missed out on a child, because I feel that I have him still. I now have 10 beautiful children . I got pregnant again back in December of 2015, but miscarried in March 2016. The miscarriage was pretty much like my first one. I was struck though by how much it wiped me out physically, almost like how I feel after giving birth to a full term baby. I didn’t remember my body feeling so wiped out with my first miscarriage, but I guess when a pregnancy is basically your 12th you can expect that.

  230. Jill says:

    I came across this today as i was searching for a friend o f mine who is experiencing this now. But it also brings me back to 6 years ago when i had lost my baby at 12 weeks. I never knew at all what to expect as no one I knew had been through a miscarriage. I was so unaware of the pain i would feel. Emotionally and physically. I literally was rolling on the floor and stayed in the fetal position with excruciating pain, just waiting……as my poor husband had no idea what to do to ease my pain or help me! It was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had. It was even more painful than actually having back contractions. I did go tot the ER and had a D&C. It was the best decision i made and honestly , I felt as great as i could in such a terrible moment. The pain was gone, i had minimal bleeding, but i was able to heal and move forward. I had already had a one year old so, i didn’t really dwell one what had happened. But i can say, that i was scared of getting pregnant again and having to go through that all over again. Then 2 years ago, I had my baby girl. Totally unexpected and a beautiful blessing. To this day and after reading this and now knowing what my friend will be going through, it brought me back to that day. It’s something you truly will never forget. Everything heals but the heart takes time.

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